The Tourist earned a Best Picture nomination, despite a 19% rating on RottenTomatoes.com

By Rebecca Rose

A Funny Thing Happened At the Golden Globe Nominations This Morning…

And here you thought the weirdest thing about this morning’s Golden Globe Nominations would be Katie Holmes’ crazy-dead eyes that scare me more than any of the zombies on The Walking Dead. While it’s fair to say that the crop of films offered up this year was less mind-blowing than some years, there’s still no justification for the deep detour into Crazyland that Hollywood Foreign Press members took with their nominations this morning.

Let’s start with the craziest of the crazy:

The Tourist Got Nominated For “Best Comedy/Musical”  Really? There are no musical numbers and the movie’s own website describes it as a “deadly game of cat and mouse”, which is always a breeding ground for hilarity.  I’m sure the HFPA was just confused by all the laughter coming from audiences when they saw what was going on with Johnny Depp’s hair.

Burlesque for Best Comedy or Musical:  Because the HFPA feels guilty for that time they overlooked Showgirls.  No Cyrus, no Please Give, no Ghost Writer, no Restrepo, no Another Year, no The Way Back, no Made in Dagenham.  But, hey, they recognized the movie that got Cher to squeeze into a bustier and lip sync.  Um, yay?

They nominated Jennifer Love Hewihahahahahahaha!!!!! I’m sorry, I can’t even finish that sentence with a straight face.

Michael Douglas for Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps And you, too, will be exhausted after sitting through this hammy, overdone performance.

Piper Perabo  over Connie Britton as Best Actress in a Television Series: For something on the USA Network called “Covert Affairs” or “What If We Did Burn Notice But With A Hot Chick Instead?”

Scott Caan earned a nomination for Hawaii Five-0

Someone from Hawaii Five-0 got nominated for acting. Because this year, the Golden Globes are going to take place in Opposite Land.

Best Comedy: Nurse Jackie: Because it was hilarious that time her daughter’s young friend caught her snorting drugs.

NO BREAKING BAD FOR BEST DRAMA? The Good Wife is on here….BUT NO BREAKING BAD?  Is this the Golden Globes or Punk’d???

These are just a few of the sad omissions and laughable mistakes that frankly, make it un-fun to sit through an awards show. The Golden Globes had been nipping at the heels of the Oscars for years, branding itself as a hipper, more edgier-than-thou awards broadcast, chuck full of your favorite movie stars, plied with lots of alcohol and lots of reasons to be less than stoic.  I’ll admit that it was great to see the love for Inception, The King’s Speech and Winter’s Bone, along with nominations for historic performances from virtual unknowns like Jennifer Lawrence and Jacki Weaver. But it’s clear from today’s announcement that many of these choices were purely blind picks (“Well, Burlesque has musical numbers, so it must be the best musical.”).  Or worse, the HFPA is vetting films that they know will bring out the biggest stars come awards night.  How else do you explain Halle Berry’s come-from-nowhere nomination for Frankie and Alice…or Anne Hathaway for her lackluster role in Love and Other Drugs?

Sorry, HFPA, but audiences aren’t quite that gullible. In a day and age where the celebrity dosage is on overload, it’s only a matter of time before viewers get wise to your ratings-baiting tactics and relegate you back to your role as Oscar-appetizer.  If you want to keep up momentum for taking over the Academy, your members need to actually watch the films they’re nominating…and take the time to see the ones they’re overlooking.

Oh, but thank you for finally showing Katey Sagal some much deserved love for Sons of Anarchy, which almost made me forget how creeped out I was by Katie Holmes.  I said almost.