Hello and welcome to Picktainment’s live-blog of the IFC Independent Spirit Awards. Who’s up watching with me? Give a shout out in the comments! I’ll be kicking off in about five minutes!

 

9:00 Well, the show is kicking off.  Everyone pretend they didn’t hand these out a few hours ago and let’s enjoy how hot Joel McHale looks tonight.

9:05 They have John Waters, Alex Trebek and they can curse?? THIS IS THE BEST AWARDS SHOW OPENING IN HISTORY.

9:10 If you don’t think this is the best opening monologue this year, you don’t have a sense of humor.  Please go watch The Weather Channel or something.  Joel McHale is killing it. (Except he seems a little nervous, no?).

9:12 There were more oral sex references in McHale’s monologue than at the Adult Video Awards.

9:15 Best Supporting Female YES!  Patty the Daytime Hooker wins!!

9:25 McHale has to pound on the mic and ask everyone to take their seats and be quiet.  The independent film community is basically a rowdy high school assembly.

9:30 Best First Feature: Get Low Behold the power of Robert Duvall’s mighty beard!     Also, too bad everyone in the crowd is so drunk, because Arnett and Cross’  schtick is hilarious.

9:32 Nicole Kidman is an Amazon.  She is at least two feet taller than poor Jeremy Renner.

9:35  Best Actor: James Franco, 127 Hours Good.  127Hours is such a great film, and Aron Ralston is in the audience to cheer Franco on, too.

9:40 All the commercials on IFC make me want to shop at Urban Outfitters.

9:45 I wish every song was written and song by Craig Phillip Robinson.  Everyone remember, the safe word is “Jameson”

9:51 Best Documentary: Exit Through The Gift Shop!! BANKSY! (Since we’re on this, how does everyone feel about the theory that Banksy could be a woman?)

10:00 Best Foreign Film:  The King’s Speech Tom Hooper accepting! Maybe there’s an argument for recognizing a smaller film in this category, but really, this film is just truly deserving.

10:02 Also, all these film clips remind me of my film school days.  Just through in some Camel Lights, Ramen Noodles and about four of my friends bitching about how Tarantino steals too much from John Woo and that would be it.

10:05 Robert Altman Award: Please Give, Nicole Holofcener gives a terrific acceptance speech, inviting her cast, crew, and I think a few of distant Aunts on stage with her.  She gives a nice shout out to Catherine Keener who’s been in every single one of her films.

10:15 Best Supporting Actor YES JOHN HAWKES, Winter’s Bone. And he gets an awesome standing ovation!

Rainn Wilson:  “This is the coldest fucking awards show ever.”  HAHAHA!

10:19 John Cassavetes Award:  Daddy Long Legs I would tell you what the filmmakers said when they got this award, but they are still running around the venue hugging and kissing everyone.

10:30 John Hamm is dressed like Indiana Jones and Sandra Oh is wearing half a dress. That’s what’s great about this show.  Everyone is dressed like they are going to brunch at the Barefoot Contessa’s house.

10:35 Best Screenplay Lisa Cholodenko and Stuart Blumberg, The Kids Are Alright  “When Lisa and I started this script seven years ago, we were just a couple of lesbians with a dream”. Amazing.  Also, seven years to write one script?  My editor is never allowed to yell at me about missing a deadline ever again.

10:45 Best Director Darren Aronofsky, Black Swan. Why does he look like David Arquette???

10: 55 Best Actress Natalie Portman, Black Swan She cannot lose ANYTHING.  Amazing. And she is the most adorable giant pregnant woman ever who dared to walk in four inch heels.

11:05 Best Picture Black Swan Oh no, please don’t make Natalie Portman climb on that slippery wet stage in the freezing cold a second time.

 

Congratulations to Natalie Portman and everyone associated with Black Swan!  Also, how cool was it see the Creepiest Supporting Cast ever for Winter’s Bone win a bunch of awards?

 

See you tomorrow night for the Oscars!

 

Rebecca Rose