Welcome to Picktainment’s Oscar Live Blog! Rebecca Rose here to guide you through the next 127 Hours of the Oscars.   Please join in with me, here in the comments.  I’ll be answering your questions, or re-tweeting/re-blogging the best/funniest comments.  Who’s ready to over-stuff themselves with elaborate finger foods and cheap wine??? (*oh and I am on Central Time, in case you’re wondering about the post times)

 

6:45The Seacrest/Trump meeting of the minds is like the Red Carpet Yalta Convention. Amazing.

6: 50 Gwyneth Paltrow donning her best “Nightmare Before Christmas” Prom Night look.

Check this out, from Seacrest:  This is what the envelope the presenters see looks like inside http://yfrog.com/h86e36j

7:00 And we’re off!!  Just in time, I burned all my hors d’œuvres !  #lousiesthostever #oscars  Hopefully Franco and Hathaway will do a better job with their monologue than I did with my half-assed Oscar Party.

7:05 OK James Franco has clearly been into the Pineapple Express. #obligatorycheesystupidpotjoke #oscars

7:15 When is Tim Gunn going to get his Oscar for pretending to believe Paltrow actually listens to Jay-Z? #oscars

I love how Christian Bale is slowly morphing into Michael Caine #oscars

7:25 Steven Spielberg can wipe the sweat from my brow ANYTIME!!!

7:30 Welcome to the Oscars 2011!!

7:35 “Alec Baldwin likes for me to narrate his dreams”  Morgan Freeman, don’t we all?  #oscars

7:38 Anne Hathaway has changed dresses six times since the opening monologue started. #oscars

7:45A Gone With the Wind tribute, Tom Hanks and Lesbian jokes?  This Oscars opening is about as baffling as doing your tax returns in Japanese.

7:47 BEST ART DIRECTION ALICE IN WONDERLAND

7:48 BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY INCEPTION

7:57 BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS MELISSA LEO

Kirk Douglas’ presentation was 100X funnier than the entire Franco/Hathaway opening

And Melissa Leo drops the F bomb.  She gets an Oscar and Ricky Gervais gets banned for life for a few Charlie Sheen jokes. #oscars

8:03  BEST ANIMATED SHORT THE LOST THING

I love when Australians win awards.  Douglas is right; they’re always laughing. If the building caught fire, those guys would be rowdily making fun of the lack of adequate fire escapes.

8:06 BEST ANIMATED FEATURE TOY STORY 3

8:14 BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY AARON SORKIN

Bardem and Brolin are dressed like Amtrak ticket takers.  Just like they are in all my sex dreams.

8:18 BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY THE KING’S SPEECH #oscars

Thank you David Siedler on behalf of all of “late-bloomers”. First teary-eyed moment of the night for me. “My Dad always told me I would be a late-bloomer”, quips the 74 year old writer, who came to Hollywood at the age of 40.

8:24OH GODDAMMIT NO NOT AN ANNE HATHAWAY MUSICAL NUMBER. THIS IS WORSE THAN WATERBOARDING.

8:26 So, when you can’t write something funny, just stick Franco in a dress, yeah? Oh OK.  #oscars

8:28 BEST FOREIGN FILM IN A BETTER WORLD/DENMARK

8:30 BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR CHRISTIAN BALE

8:42 BEST ORIGINAL SCORE THE SOCIAL NETWORK TRENT REZNOR AND ATTICUS ROSS!!!

8:45 Is there a reason the Academy hates us enough to force Matthew McConaughey and  Scarlett Johannson on us? Did we run over their dog or something?

8:47 BEST SOUND MIXING INCEPTION

8:51 BEST SOUND EDITING INCEPTION

8:57 BEST MAKEUP THE WOLFMAN Wow, 7 Academy Awards for Rick Baker. I know that’s what we were all thinking when “The Wolfman” comes out..there’s a surefire Oscar contender.

9:00 BEST COSTUME DESIGN ALICE IN WONDERLAND

9:03Kevin Spacey PLEASE stop singing. Didn’t “Beyond The Sea” teach you enough?

9:04 I think I can write a Randy Newman song. It’s just some upbeat Grateful Dead melodies and self-effacing lyrics set to cartoons, yes?

9:14 BEST DOCUMENTARY SHORT STRANGERS NO MORE

Jake Gyllenhaal has less personality than the animotronic bots in a Disneyland ride.

9:16 BEST SHORT FILM GOD OF LOVE

9:18 This Auto-Tune movie spoof video is still better than that new Brittany Spears single. #oscars

9:23 OPRAH!! Oh and the BEST DOCUMENTARY FILM INSIDE JOB.

Inside Job wins for Best Doc. This is where we actually find out that Banksy is actually Tim Geithner.

9:27 OH THANK GOD. BILLY CRYSTAL YES!!!!   PLEASE CLUB HATHAFRANC TO DEATH AND TAKE THIS GIG OVER NOW!!!  #oscars

9:34 BEST VISUAL EFFECTS INCEPTION

 

9:52 Sorry for the delay, but we’re back up again everyone!  Just in time for a Celine Dion song.

9:56 YET ANOTHER AWARDS SHOW SNUBS COREY HAIM FOR THE IN MEMORIAM. What?? The star of Lucas and Lost Boys doesn’t deserve a 2 second photo?

10:03 BEST DIRECTOR TOM HOOPER/KING’S SPEECH Hmm…a good sign that The King’s Speech is picking up Best Picture tonight?

10:12 My mother just called.”Did you hear what that Tom Hooper fellow says?  I’m always right. He has an Oscar, he knows what he’s talking about”

10:15 BEST ACTRESS NATALIE PORTMAN Let’s hear it for Natalie Portman for recognizing all the “below the line” people who help make these films possible!!! AWESOME #oscars

10:25 BEST ACTOR COLIN FIRTH Dear Santa:  I just want to marry Colin Firth.  OK?  Screw that world peace thing.  Just give me Mr. Darcy, kthnx.  Love, Becky Rose #oscars

 

BEST PICTURE THE KING’S SPEECH!!!!

Oscar Producers, just because you drag a ton of cute kids on stage at the end, it doesn’t mean we’re going to ignore how bad the show was.   Also, is Anne Hathaway screaming “WOO WE DID IT?”  What the hell did you do? Change dresses and flub your lines 40 times?

Oscar credits are longer than the Crimean War. MY GOD WHEN WILL IT END.

 

Well, that’s it for me.  Congratulations everyone from The King’s Speech, Natalie Portman, Christian Bale, et. al.  See you at the next big Apocalyptic Hollywood event! Rebecca Rose, signing off and looking for a refill on her drink.