It’s Elton John night which means everyone is going to do a ton of coke and dress like a muppet at Mardi Gras and get in catfights with Lily Allen!  Oh wait, no, they’re just doing shitty verions of his songs.  Oh well, let’s get on with it.

Scotty:  Oh what a shock he picked the one song with the word “Country” in and sang it like a country song. PLEASE someone force him to sing on “Disco Night”. Please.

Naima:  Turned in a rousing perfomance of “I’m Still Standing”, in a reggae style.  I can’t figure out why she keeps doing this.  I think you can get away with really re-envisioning a song into a different style once, but other than that it feels a bit obvious.  That being said, there is no song more clearly deserving of honorary Reggae status than “I’m Still Standing”.

Paul: Terrible.  Just. Terrible.  This is “Rocket Man”?. Please.  Kill your jacket. Make it die in a FIRE.  At least do that for us. At least.

Pia:  “Don’t Let The Sun Go Down On Me”. She’s amazing, but her performances are starting to look a little carbon copy.  S-Ty and Randy have some bullshit disagreement about how she needs to change up her song choices or something.  Please, like anyone cares. she could sing the Gorton’s Fisherman Song and people would trip over themselves to vote for her.  Top three LOCK.

Stefano: Ouch.  He does “Tiny Dancer”, but it sounds like that one ballad Right Said Fred had on their album.  (What, you didn’t buy the album?) I am just bored, bored, bored by this little Jersey Shore wannabe.  He reminds me of this waiter at Bennigans who used to hit on me. I mean. I have never been to Bennigans.

Lauren: Performs a really beautiful version“Candles In The Wind”.  There’s a subtle touch of country that she infuses into the song that’s never overpowering or twangy.  (Scotty must be wondering why she held back and didn’t just go with the rhinestone guitar and gingham bustier he suggested).    I  liked this, but I’m getting tired of each and every week Randy declaring THAT WAS THE BEST PERFORMANCE EVER ON THIS STAGE WOW. Seriously Randy, it’s called perspective.  Google it.

James Durbin: His version of “Saturday Night’s All Right For Fighting” involves a lot of jumping and climbing on things and running around through the audience. He looks like Weird Al Yankovic doing Jim Morrison.   “Don’t wear out your voice, you’ll wind up like me,” warns S-Ty.  A 900 year old Rastafarian mummy who wandered in to this arena, lured by the smell of 16 year old virgins.

Dear Everyone Who Made “Hop”.  KILL YOURSELF.

Thia Megia: Hey,  I can hear “Daniel”, too.  You know what he’s saying? “Why did they do this to my song??”  Why is she shooting herself in the foot? WHY?  She is doing yet another slow, sappy boring song that makes me sleepy. And she did it after James’ completely insane piano crowd running thing.  I think she is going home this week.

Casey “Your Song”  [BIG SIGH]  So Casey wowed the universe last week with his big epic save.  The judges told him be yourself, don’t try to become something you’re not.  So this week…he shaves his beard and comes out singing like Andy Williams.  Because he is deaf.  And hates this show, apparently.  I have a feeling that he will, once again, land in the bottom three

Jacob He performs “Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word”. Also: MARY. J. BLIGE. That is all.

Other Lauren Haley: “Crocodile Rock”.  Not only does she get the Rock Star slot (performing last), but she pretty  much kills it.   She won’t be in the bottom, not for a good long while, if she keeps this up.

So, for this week, I predict the bottom three to be Paul, Stefano and Thia, with Thia going home. If not Paul, then perhaps Naima or Casey makes a surprise trip to the bottom three.  But I can’t see how Thia is really going to save herself this time.

Don’t forget to submit your picks by 8 PM Eastern Time, 5 PM Pacific Time.  if you’re in a Picktainment pool. Until next time!!