Things just got real on “Dancing with the Stars”.  No one wants to be the first to get eliminated on any reality show, ever, so this week’s second shot at scoring big means a lot to the couples.

Up first are Sugar Ray Leonard and Anna, dancing the Jive to “Do Ya Like Music”  I dig Sugar Ray’s energy, except in that outfit he looks like David Alan Grier in an “In Living Color” skit from 1989. Their dancing is energetic and tight, and Sugar Ray looks like he’s having a blast.  Len says that they are in jeopardy based on that performance. Carrie Ann sort of disagrees, telling Sugar Ray he needs to bring more of the “jabs” and moves from boxing into his dancing.  So he should just punch the crap out of his partner next time.  They get a 17, giving them a combined score of 34 for both nights.

Kendra and Louis are up next.  After a lot of crying because she thinks people think she looks like a boy or something, the dance a chaotic version of the quickstep. They get strong reviews from the judges, including Len who says he saw Kendra’s “chesticles” sticking into her partner.  Well, at least we know where his attention is.  They get a 19, and a 37 for both nights

Disney uber-blonde Chelsea and Mark dance a jive to poor Panic At The Disco!  He’s dressed a circus ringleader and she’s dressed as a ballerina in a strip club.  The audience loves this, but judge Carrie Ann points out that it’s not  a jive and Len agrees.  Bruno calls it “Marcel Marceau desperately seeking Lolita in a Clockwork Orange”.  I’m not sure that should be a compliment, but OK.  Their score for tonight is 18, giving them a combined score of 36. Chelsea says the point of being young is to take risks do different things. Funny, I thought it was to wear clothes your mother hates and make terrible decisions about your hairstyle. Judge for yourself on their controversial performance of the jive:

Chris Jericho and Cheryl are up next, doing the quick step, to “I Got Rhythm”.  He is STIFF, but he’s a natural entertainer. He might be stiff because his upper body is built like a Mack truck.  Len says he had low expectations for the number, but that it was “bright, breezy” in the end.  Bruno, who uses about four syllables to say “Chrriiiisss”, loved it and Carrie Ann thinks it’s one of the best so far.  They get a 23 tonight, giving them a 42 total.

Petra Nemcova and Dimitri dance the jive, which apparently means Petra needs to wear a giant ridiculous hat for some reason.  And then take off all of her clothes.  Of course. For all that showing off of her body, the judges are fairly underwhelmed with her technique.  They get an 18 for their jive, putting them at 36 for both nights.

Last week’s big surprise, Kirstie Alley and Maks  are up, trying to outdo last week’s huge performance.  Of course she talks about her weight loss and OF COURSE she makes a Charlie Sheen joke.  They do a quick step and of course they are really incredible.  Len notices they lost energy and says it was “good but it wasn’t great”.  Bruno is exponentially more excited about them, which is cute.  They get a 20, with a 43 for both nights.

Crazy Mike, who fizzled last week, is back with Lacey to do the jive.  He dances like a horse having a back spasm. Which is still way better than he did last week.  They get a 17, giving them 30 for both nights.  Bottom three, here they come.  Mike says “there’s no where to go but up!” which is sort of like saying “I should take swim classes at the Y!” after you drown from trying to go over Niagra Falls in a bucket.

Romeo and Cheslie are up next, who impressed with the cha-cha last week, and this week take on the quick step.  The dance to “You’re The One That I Want” from Grease, and Len says it was the best dance of the night.   They get a 23 for tonight, bringing them up to 42.

Next up is Wendy Williams and Tony, who had a fairly terrible performance last week, coming in to second to last.  It’s no wonder, because she mostly looks like she’s asleep on the dance floor.   I like how in the rehearsals she’s got her “Messy Hair From Working Hard” wig on. She even has a wig for making her look unkempt.  That is nothing short of amazing.  Last week, the judges said she needed “more Wendy” in her performances.  This apparently involves doing a skit about laundry.  Bruno says it was good to see a little bit of who she is, and that it’s a step in the right direction. (But it is enough to keep her safe?)  They get a 17, bringing their score to 31.

Finally, last week’s big surprise, Ralph Macchio is up with Karina, doing the jive.  It is scientifically impossible to think of The Karate Kid as someone’s father, so I’m naturally freaked out when they show his kid in the rehearsals.  Len thinks their energetic stab at “Nobody But Me” is overdone a bit, and Bruno says he lost timing and needs to watch his hands and his kicks.  Carrie Ann says he dances well, but points out that everyone is stepping up their game, which he needs to do if he wants to maintain his lead.  She says he’s “so much fun to watch”, and they 21 for tonight and a 45 total.

Hines Ward and Kym are up last with the quick step, to Stevie Wonder’s “Part Time Lover”, and naturally they perform elegantly.  He’s a natural star, a clever entertainer and a great dancer.  Bruno goes insane glowing about how great he is.  Carrie Ann says he has ease and control, and Len says he’s completely impressed.

This puts Wendy, Crazy Mike and Sugar Ray in the bottom, by the judges votes. Barring any unforeseen voting miracles, this could be Mike’s week to go home.  He’s not riding any huge wave of love or support (his fanbase is fairly localized in Southern California). Other than those three, the biggest disappointment of the night was probably Chelsie and Mark, who didn’t really seem to do much “jive” dancing in their over-the-top performance.

Join us Tuesday, to find out who’s voted off and don’t forget to vote in your Dancing With The Stars Picktainment pool!