Guys, we’re so close! This macabre parade of crushed dreams is almost over, and we’re one week away from finding out who will emerge from Thunderdome victorious. But first, we have to get through the final three! This week, in keeping with the theme of three, the contestants had to do triple duty and perform three different songs: one they chose (coached by BEYONCE!!!!), one Jimmy chose, and one the judges chose. How did they do? Mostly, pretty well! Let’s talk about it, shall we?

Scotty
First up was the song of the contestants’ choosing, and Mr. Deep Voice chose “Amazed” by Lone Star for his. Coach Beyonce (!!!) thought it was a really good choice and gushed about how amazing Scotty was. Obviously, even Sasha Fierce herself isn’t immune to Scotty’s sinister seduction spell. The performance itself was fine. Just fine. Nothing Amazing (see what I did there?) in my opinion, but not terrible. However, the judges are under Scotty’s aforementioned spell, and couldn’t stop raving about how he is the second coming of Christ or something (which, BTW, is happening this Saturday in case you haven’t been paying attention to the billboards.)

For Jimmy’s choice, Scotty performed “Are You Gonna Kiss Me or Not?” by some band I’ve never heard of. Personally, I thought it was his best performance of the night. It was a good pick that highlighted his vocal talents and Southern charms, and wasn’t too sappy. I think this is where he really shines, rather than the typical boring country ballads he seems to favor.

Speaking of boring country ballads, that’s what he performed for his last song! For judges choice, he did “She Believes in Me” by Kenny Rodgers and it was a complete snoozefest. I dunno, I’m just really tired of him earnestly crooning country ballads all the time. I feel like it’s played out, but again, the judges are bewitched, so they loved it. Scotty is almost for sure definitely going to be in the final.

(As a side note, does anyone else think it’s really weird how people call him “Scotty the body?” He may be many things, but built he is not. Dude weighs like a buck forty, tops.)

(Another side note: who else noticed Priscilla Presley in the audience? She looks like she’s made of wax. Watch out for the lights, Priscilla! They’re hot!)

Lauren
Aww, Lauren’s just so cute isn’t she? With all her childlike wonder, amazement, and girlish shyness. It’s going to be a shame when her dreams are crushed tomorrow and she’s sent home. For her first song she chose “Wild One” by Faith Hill, which was a cute little ditty that Beyonce (!!!) thought was a perfect fit for her. I agree somewhat, but I thought that her stage presence could still use some work, and at this point it’s a little late to beef that kind of thing up. But still, it wasn’t bad.

Better, though, was her performance of “If I Die Young” for Jimmy’s choice (a frame-for-frame remake of “Sophie’s Choice” starring Jimmy Iovine). This song was a great choice for Lauren, and like Jimmy said, really fit with where her voice is at. It was definitely her best performance of the night, and possibly her best of the whole season.

Her judges choice song was “I Hope You Dance,” which I feel like she sang already? Or was that Scotty? In either case, BOOOOOORING! Vocally she did well, but that song is super played out by now and should be banned from the competition entirely. However, I suppose that’s not her fault, since it was the judges who chose the song and not her. So yeah, good job working with what you got I suppose. The judges, as always, loved it.

Haley
Last up is our charming little growlbeast Haley, who I’ve completely come around on and love now. It’s probably just because she’s the best of the three remaining, but I want Haley to win. She’s the most talented vocally, most professional, and seems like the smartest of the three. For her first song she chose “What Is And What Should Never Be” by Led Zeppelin and completely slayed it, even though she did a face plant towards the end. Her whole performance was really solid, both vocally and performance-wise, and it was cute that she brought her dad on stage with her to play guitar. The judges really liked it too, and dubbed it the best of the round.

For Jimmy’s Choice (“Take my little girl, but not my Transitions Lenses!”), she did “Rhiannon” by Fleetwood Mac, which was another perfect choice. She really fell into the spirit of the song, hands waving and hair blowing Stevie Nicks style. The only thing missing was a black velvet dress and some witchcraft. Another slam-dunk for Haley.

Unfortunately, her final song? Not so much. For judges choice she sang Alanis Morissette’s “You Oughta Know” and it was kiiiiind of a mess. She flubbed the lyrics a couple times and seemed to get off beat a bit too. Although again, I don’t know if that was entirely her fault, since the fast lyrics make it kind of difficult to sing. So again, more the judges fault than hers. They really sucked at picking, didn’t they? It’s like they put a total of like 3 seconds worth of thought into each song they gave the contestants. Either that or they just drew songs out of a hat. Lazy jerks…

So yeah, that was it! Like I said before, everyone was pretty solid this week, but I’m definitely rooting for Haley to win. Scotty bores me, and seems like he’s probably an arrogant jerk in person, and then Lauren just isn’t quite there yet for me, like a Polaroid that’s aaaaalmost developed, but not just yet. A few more shakes and she’ll be there though. For those of you playing the Fantasy Idol game, I’d say it’s Scotty and Haley for the final two, although I don’t think it’s a 100% sure thing. I can see Lauren getting a lot of votes from young Southern girls and squeaking into the final. Either way, barring another James Durbin-style shocker, Scotty is going on for sure. Unfortunately. We’ll see what happens tomorrow! I can honestly say I’m excited to find out!