It’s a “Night of Greatness” on Dancing with the Stars, as some of the most famous ballroom champs help judge and guide the stars through their first week of two dances. To Bruno’s delight, the judges’ table gets crowded with special guest, ballroom champion Donnie Burns. Donnie, who refreshed his spray tan and got his massive veneers re-whitened for the occasion, looks exactly like Tom Bergeron’s ballroom alter ego.  Some stars handle the extra set of eyes on them better than others, again causing the leader board to do a complete 180, shifting Romeo straight from the top all the way down to the bottom.

The pressure is on and the stars have to learn a group dance in addition to their individual dance. The group dances are important because the points earned are combined with the individual scores.The first to go is “Team Pleather,” with Chelsea Kane, Ralph Macchio and Romeo dancing a Cha Cha to Lady Gaga’s “Born this Way.” Unfortunately for Ralph, he was born in the 1960s and Romeo and Chelsea were born sometime the late 90s. However he still manages to hold his own, getting those hips moving, and giving his best “fast dance face,” which is a cross between being scared and smelling rotten food. The judges like it with a few critiques about being out of sync, but still earning them a 30 out of a possible 40.

The next group up is Hines Ward, Kendra Wilkinson, and Kirstie Alley, aka “Team Butt,” because they’re “the group with the most butt.” They dance a Cha Cha to Ke$ha’s “Who we R.” I’m a little worried by the tape piece before with Kirstie and Maks, not learning their solo in time, and Kendra farting (or as her partner Louis says “Farding”), during rehearsal. I always knew Hines was a man of manners, but this is confirmed when he tells Kendra to “say excuse me or something…jeez.” The team pulls it off and earns mostly positive remarks from the judges with Len saying, “ I know which team of girls won the boobie prize.” Also getting a total score of 30, this puts everyone at an equal playing field for the individual dances.

Then we get to see some amazing dances by real ballroom champions with names I can’t even understand enough to type into Google. Also we meet champions Luca Baricchi and Shirley Ballas, who will be coaching the stars this week, through tape pieces of them striking lots of solo dance poses in darkly lit yet foggy ballrooms. Luca is a cross between Dracula and Fabio, and Shirley in addition to winning countless championships, is responsible for birthing Mark Ballas, who describes her “as an animal who will eat you alive.” This explains so much.

Returning to the top of the leader board this week is Ralph Macchio and NFL wide receiver, Hines Ward. Fresh off their ballroom mishap last week, Ralph and Karina attack their 1920s gangster themed Quickstep with the tenacity and technicality Ralph has been lacking. In the tape piece it’s obvious the dance is taking a toll on Ralph’s body and he’s popping Advils like they’re Tic Tacs, but he’s able to fight through it giving him a combined total of 66 out of 80 for this week. Guest judge Donnie gives them a 10, and for Bruno, “It’s more than a Quickstep, it was how to grab a quick one at the Speakeasy.”

Hines Ward, aka the “Silent Assassin,” wants a 10 this week and he succeeds with a Tango that makes Bruno paw at the table due to its “panther like” qualities. A visit from his former NFL teammate supplies Hines with the pressure he thrives under; that combined with some mentoring from champion Luca, propels him to reach is goal. Although Len has mixed feelings about the dance, comparing it to a tiger and a pickle, guest judge Donnie says Hines, “dances from the heart, but uses [his] head,” which gives him his “winning mentality” Hines also gets a combined 66 out of 80.

In the Middle of the pack this week are our resident blondes Chelsea Kane and Kendra Wilkinson. Chelsea and her partner Mark Ballas dance a Paso Doble, and right away we know the Chelsea is going to have trouble making a mean face because Disney stars are conditioned to only let their managers, agents, and entourages see those. Bring in Mark’s Mom Shirley who helps Chelsea bring out the inner child actor anger we all know is there. Shirley is pretty scary and even scarier is the two seconds of her and Mark dancing the Paso together. When they take the floor, we see Mark is wearing his “pushing boundaries guy-liner”, which means a controversial debate is coming. Chelsea brings a little too much aggression for Len and the dance confuses both him and Donnie. However, Bruno and Carrie Ann love it and the dance earns them a combined total of 64.

After improving last week, Kendra stays on the path to ballroom eloquence, despite the fart in rehearsal, by dancing a solid Tango. Her partner Louis Van Amstel wants to challenge her with tough choreography, and luckily champion Luca comes to the rescue and explains that dancing is about using every part of her body, and demonstrates by taking Kendra and saying “now let’s find the bodies, let’s touch the bodies.” Luca is speaking Kendra’s language. The judges think “it’s the most eloquent she’s ever looked,” earning her a combined score of 61.

At the bottom of the leader board this week is Kirstie Alley and Romeo both getting a disappointing combined score of 60. It appears to be a rough rehearsal for week for Kirstie, as she throws a plant and breaks out into tears. Unfortunately for her, the Jive requires speed and she just can’t keep up technically. But the entertainment quality of her performance doesn’t miss a step, as she lifts up her tutu-like-dress, like a two year old. As a result, the judges’ scores are all over the place. Len and Carrie Ann are a little harsher, but it charms Bruno, and Donnie thinks she has “the talent between the steps to fill it in.” Her Jive is entertaining, but I think Kirstie lucks out with Donnie’s generous 9.

This leaves Romeo, who at first seems to be riding high from last week, but quickly plummets to the bottom with his lackluster Samba, and the toughest judging panel of the night. In the tape piece Romeo is as Len says, “talking the talk” about his hips, feeling the “party in his pants,” and also feeling up Shirley Ballas. But when he and his partner Chelsie hit the floor, instead of watching the dance I can’t stop trying to figure out what the giant bonfire and Tiki statues on the set are supposed to mean, when Romeo is dressed like someone in the army for the eighth time this season. Is this supposed to be subliminal brainwashing due to the recent events? Carrie Ann thinks that although the young girls at home might like it, he has to work on his technique. Donnie sums it up and says, “well baby, you may have a party in your pants, but you’ve got an earthquake in your shoes…”

Then finally the first judge’s mishap of the season (if you don’t count Bruno in general). When the cameras goes to the judges for their scores, we see Carrie Ann whisper to Donnie something about an 8, and he holds up an 8. Then while Brooke is talking to Romeo, Donnie reveals that he intended to hold up a 7, delivering another swift blow to the party in Romeo’s pants. They seem to ignore the fact that we heard Carrie Ann say something about an 8, and I think this “paddle mishap” should be cleared up during the results show, and replayed in slow-mo 85 times with the sound turned up.

This week is just another example of how tight this competition is. Romeo was tied for first last week and is now in serious threat of going home. If you’re in a DWTS pool, again it’s another tough elimination, but I’m leaning towards Romeo. Chris Jericho’s elimination shows that without the star power you just can’t have a bad week and although Kirstie is also at the bottom, I just don’t think her fans will let her go (especially if she keeps crying throwing plants). Kendra’s fan base has also proven to be loyal, so there’s a good chance Romeo may be getting his heart broken tomorrow.