Well there you have it folks. Despite being probably the most energetic pair of the bunch, and especially in spite of Miranda being one of the strongest female dancers in the group (in my opinion), she and Robert, the formerly befeathered hip hop woodpeckers, were sent home, flying the coop, off to peck in other forests (how many more bird puns can I do?). However, before they got released from their cage (I can do this all day!), there was a whole show!

First up was an unremarkable, super-high energy jazzy group dance. It was all limbs and jumps and shakes, and I imagined the choreographer just shouting “Yes! Sell it! Jazz hands! Yes! Work it! More!” during rehearsals like some sort of Christopher Guest character. It was that sort of dance.

Once they finished flailing in bowler hats it was time for some judging. First up, Ashley and Chris, Ryan and Rickey, and Melanie and Marko were called up. While all three did well, it was Ashley and Chris’ spooky skeleton jazz number didn’t resonate with viewers, and they are put in the bottom three. If only goths and/or “Beetlejuice” fans were a larger voting block…

Next, Cat and her vajazzled chest (seriously, what was up with the rhinestone tattoo on her sternum?) called up Jordan and Tadd, Sasha and Alexander, Miranda and Robert, the aforementioned dead-pair-walking. Personally, of all three pairs I thought Sasha and Alexander’s contemporary dance was the weakest, but apparently America and their anti-Broadway/anti-woodpecker prejudices disagreed.

Finally, Caitlynn and Mitchell and (UGH) Clarice and Jess are called up. Every inch of my being wanted Clarice and Jess in the bottom because as I’ve mentioned previously, I find Jess’ personality extremely grating. Unfortunately, he’s actually a pretty great dancer, so it wound up being Caitlynn and Mitchell rounding out the bottom three.

SPACE FILLER TIME! After the bottoms groups are announced, it’s time for a performance from AXIS Dance Company, a handicap-inclusive dance troupe from Oakland (of course they are). Look, fine, what they do is great and I don’t want to be a jerk or too snarky or anything, but the whole wheelchair dude and his lover dance they did was a little weird, right? Like, basically the dude wheeled around while the girl jumped and climbed all over his chair like a hyperactive child. I dunno, I didn’t get it, and I don’t think Cat did either, because afterwards she just kept being like “Wow! How creative! Wow!” Whatever, I’m a horrible person, so sue me (don’t sue me!).

After the break the bottom contestants commence with their solo routines. To me, Chris, Miranda, and Mitchell were the best, and the rest were sort of mediocre, but like I mentioned before, ultimately Miranda and Robert were sent home. Oh wait. First, a weird sinewy old couple did a freakishly good ballroom dance to a song from “Pirates of the Caribbean.” THEN the bottom two are sent home.

Ok, I get why they chose Robert. I mean, he definitely wasn’t the worst, but he wasn’t the best either and was going to go sooner or later. However, Miranda being kicked off is insane too me, since I think she’s one of the strongest girls. Unfortunately I think they just didn’t work as a pair and as a result didn’t get the fans some other groups did. I think if they were assigned different partners they both would have gone a lot farther in the competition, but them’s the breaks. I mean, it’s not like the winners of this competition really go on to do anything anyway. That’s why I like this show. It’s a competition without the stakes of lofty childhood dreams being spectacularly crushed each week the way American Idol is. Makes for a much more relaxing evening. So yeah, au revoir woodpeckers. We’ll see you around (no we won’t). Until next week, everyone else!