It’s the fourth season of Kendra and unfortunately the show open and song still haven’t changed. Although within 24 hours of watching, I’ll probably find myself singing it, or maybe just this part: “Go Kendra, Go Kendra, Go Kendra, Go Kendra, You not alone now!”

Kendra and Hank bought their 5000 square foot “dream home,” and I’m sure this is the first of eight houses they’ll be living in this season. They arrive at their new home to caution tape and a bank-owned foreclosure notice on the front door. Turns out its just the neighbors Gene and Teri pulling a prank on them. Oh Gene and Teri … you guys are crazy!

Kendra and Hank are remodeling the house and this means watching Kendra pick out a lot of ugly paint colors. According to Hank, Kendra is “indecisive,” but in reality she can’t focus long enough to formulate a thought, and so what Hank takes as her changing her mind is really her not remembering her initial decision. Then things get really difficult when they have to decide on the tile for the fireplace, so Kendra runs outside and starts jumping on the trampoline with baby Hank. I guess that’s how they teach you to make decisions at the Playboy Mansion.

Kendra and Hank get a visit from their other neighbor Lisa, who according to Kendra, looks like “a housewife of Calabasas.” Probably the most insightful thing Kendra has ever said. Since Hank and her can’t agree, Kendra has Lisa pick out which tile she would choose for the fireplace.  Of course Lisa picks the one Hank likes and Kendra pretends she cares.

Kendra and Hank are called to her agent Brian’s office for a mysterious meeting. They wait in a conference room and Kira (who I guess is also Kendra’s agent), and Kendra’s financial advisor John, walk in.  Kendra asks where Brian is and apparently “he’s upset with some photos he saw online last night.” Commercial break! Oh no not another nude photo scandal!

Turns out it’s a picture of Kendra at a five star restaurant in basketball shorts and a t-shirt. According to her “financial advisor,” after being on Dancing with the Stars everyone knows who she is and “she can’t show up like this anymore.”  Kendra doesn’t understand why she has to change and Kira wants to set her up with stylist Nikki Pennie, who apparently works with Kate Middleton. Yeah right. Kendra puts it best when she says, “I’m like I’m not British royalty, I’m Kendra, sooo no.”

On the car ride home Kendra still doesn’t understand.  Hank says he loves her because she wears sweatpants and explains that it’s for “the brand and business side of Kendra.” Oh now I get it (no I don’t). Then Kendra says, “I’m hungry,” and Hank says, “I’m horny.” Kendra’s solution: “Well get me food and we’ll solve your problem.” And that’s why Hank doesn’t care if she wears sweatpants.

Nikki Pennie shows up and Kendra is not happy. She brings Nikki up to her room and of course it’s a mess. Nikki picks up a sweatshirt and says, “Please don’t tell me you wear this out.” Kendra says, “Yeah I really don’t know how to dress. Style and that kind of stuff isn’t really my thing.” Nikki says, “Fashion is about looking good and sexy, and fun and young, and sporty, which is very much what Kendra is.” Kendra hears “sporty” and you can see a flicker of a neuron firing. Now Kendra is all ears and they pick out an outfit for her to wear to their housewarming BBQ. The outfit is a pair of shorts and a tank top, thus confirming everything I’ve ever thought about stylists; that they get paid to do nothing.

Now we’re at the luau themed housewarming party/ BBQ and real housewife neighbor Lisa can’t stop raving about how great Kendra’s new toilet is. Hank talks with his football crew about the NFL lockout and being in limbo, while Kendra “hangs” with her pack of blondes, which includes her former Dancing with the Stars partner, Louis Van Amstel. Louis brings Kendra the infamous Samba costume she wore on the show. Oh great, maybe Nikki Pennie will show her how to pair it with a clutch and a great pair of “sporty” pumps!

Everyone is by the pool and all of a sudden we get to see someone do a cannon ball in slow motion to dramatic music. As awkwardly as that sentence is placed in the recap, it was equally if not more awkwardly placed in the episode (and that’s all I can say about that).

In their bedroom after the BBQ, Hank talks to Kendra about not knowing if he’s going to be picked up after the lockout. Suddenly Kendra walks out from the bathroom in her Samba outfit. She makes Hank stand up as she attempts to do the dance, stopping about five times and saying, “Is that it?” Hank just stands there and says, “I don’t care what the dance was, we’re having sex.” He picks her up, she screams, and the light goes out in the bedroom. Expect at least five more episodes this season to end that way.

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