Previously, on America’s Next Top Model: All-Star Edition: The girls wrote their own songs and made music videos directed by the Game. The Game fell in love with Allison. Friggin’ Alexandria finally got sent home. Finally.

The episode opens with the girls riding back from the judging. Everyone congratulates Angelea for not getting sent home for the third time. Shannon says she’s the only one who hasn’t gotten best photo so far, even though she’s supposedly a bunch of girls’ role model, and she still allegedly gets mail from girls 20 years after her cycle ran. Right, Shannon.

The girls go to lunch to show the obligatory one scene per season where they show the models eating to prove all models don’t have eating disorders. Except they show food and drinking but no one actually eating the food…hmmm… Dominique says she misses her daughters. Angelea says Dominique is fake, and that no one is Positive Patty all the time, heh.

The girls get back to the house, and Allison’s video is playing. Lisa talks shit on Allison and says that she’s unique, but she’s not the whole package. André Leon Talley shows up to the house wearing a Chinese outfit. As in a long black robe and one of those triangle hats that they wear out in the rice paddies. He says he’s brought a meal for the girls, and two guys come in with a bunch of plates. They’re dancing around like idiots, and one of them drops his plates. Then they start smashing all the plates. And André says they’re going to go to Greece. And blue and white confetti starts falling down, and a big banner that says Greece unrolls from the second floor. And the girls all get to break plates. And the guys who broke plates come out dressed like Grecians, it’s all very cliché.

The girls start packing their bags, and we see an awesome graphic of the girls flying to Greece. It was made by a four-year-old and consists of a plane with each of the girls’ faces in one of the windows. The girls arrive in Greece and are greeted by J. Alexander and Vicky Kaya, host of Greece’s Next Top Model. They have to prepare a one-minute speech to say at a press conference in Crete; they only have the plane ride from Athens to Crete to make the speech. The best speech giver will win jewelry from one of the best Grecian jewelers. J. says the speech should contain something about themselves, some knowledge of Greece, and some actual words in Greek.

Angelea tells J. on the plane that she’s not really preparing anything because she wants her speech to come from the heart. That’s not going to turn out. The girls get off the plane in Crete and are greeted by the mayor of Crete as well as reporters, various dignitaries, etc. Lisa goes first, and she does pretty good. Allison goes next and is actually not her awkward self. She does really good at speaking Greek. Shannon went next, and I think she said adios at the end, which is not Greek, but Spanish. Dominique was next, and she said tzatziki sauce was her favorite food? Laura goes next and says it’s her first time out of the country. She says if she was a Greek goddess she would be Venus, who is actually a Roman goddess. Angelea goes last; she does pretty well until she said “where’s the bathroom?” in Spanish. Not all foreign languages are the same, ladies! Spanish does not equal Greek!

The girls travel to their new home, and of course it’s like a luxury resort. They are greeted by Miss J. who announces Allison as the winner of the speech challenge. Co-owner and designer of one of the most famous Greek jewelry brands, Fanourakis jewelry, Lina Fanouraki, shows up to give Allison her prize. Angelea gets all 716 and camera talks that Allison won by default, okay, whatever.

So, the next day, the girls are eating breakfast, and there are mysterious bites out of the food, but no one actually eating. Jay Manuel shows up and says for the first time in Top Model history, all the remaining models get to collaborate with a designer to create their final runway gowns. Dominique says this makes her feel like Beyonce, Lady Gaga, and/or J.Lo. Michael Cinco is the designer that will be working with them, and the theme is immortal goddess. All six of them will be working with Michael, but only two of them will be wearing the final dress.

They each get five minutes with Michael Cinco to talk about their “visions.” Angelea wants to do something like Grace Jones in Greek culture. Laura wants it to be like the goddess of birth, but the birth of calves and wheat. Allison wants something dark and romantic with a lot of flowers and lace. Lisa wants something with Christmas lights. Dominique wants something metal and dangly over her crotch. Shannon wants something sexy but conservative. LOL I seriously couldn’t stop laughing.

The next day, Laura feels sick; she camera talks that she feels like her whole body is going to fall apart, but she doesn’t want to complain. The girls go to meet Jay Manuel, and he says that one of the things Greeks are known for is their Greek salad (um, really?) and the girls are going to be doing a photo shoot modeling underwear in a salad bowl. Shannon says she doesn’t model underwear. I personally would have a bigger problem with the salad bowl, but whatevs. Jay says they will talk about it, and goes on to say they have brought in Nikos Papadopoulos for the photo shoot.

The girls go to hair and makeup, and both Lisa and Allison say the underwear for the shoot is more like bathing suits. Shannon still says she’s not going to do it, and some random stylist is like it’s easier to change the model than the outfit. True dat, random stylist, true dat.

They fill the big salad bowl with tomatoes, cucumbers, lettuce and feta, and the girls dive into the shoot. It’s really not very appealing at all.

Dominique Reighard – Cycle 10

Dominique pours olive oil all over herself; she is determined to “make it fierce.”

Shannon Stewart – Cycle 1

Jay tells Shannon she’s giving up a huge opportunity, and she says the underwear looks too much like underwear. Jay says he doesn’t really understand her message, and that it seems really arbitrary what she decides to model and not model. She says she’s not going to model at all.

Angelea Preston – Cycle 14

Jay says Angelea has no core strength, which really shows when you’re a model.

Allison Harvard – Cycle 12

Allison says that she has “vampire vision” (note to self: look that up on Web MD to see if it’s an actual condition), so she can’t open her eyes in the bright sun. Her eyes keep tearing up, and she has to keep her eyes closed until the photographer tells her to open them right before he takes the photo. She also says that stepping into the bowl is like stepping into someone’s organs.

Lisa D’Amato – Cycle 5

Jay asks Lisa when the last time was that she drizzled olive oil all over herself, and she’s like, um…a couple weeks ago…hehe.

Laura Kirkpatrick – Cycle 13

Laura is still not feeling good, but she decides to give it her all. She even pours olive oil on her face…gross. Jay says she looks like a sexy little girl…also gross.

The girls go back to the house, and Shannon’s being smug. She’s like, oh I can’t believe you guys were in salad, but you looked pretty, but I was true to myself, I’m better than you. I don’t roll around in big salad bowls.

Judging

Nikos is the guest judge. Everyone likes Allison’s photo even though her eyes were closed. Nikos says Angelea’s photo was good, but that she was awkward during the photo shoot. Lisa looks freaking amazing. She’s all skinny, and olive oily, and gorgeous. Shannon tries to explain how she doesn’t pose in underwear, and Nigel says it’s semantics. Tyra says her message is confusing to her audience. Nigel says he doesn’t think he’s ever seen Dominique look so incredible. Tyra tells Laura her judging outfit is very “sisterhood of the traveling pants.” André Leon Talley says Laura’s photo doesn’t work for him.

Tyra does her usual song and dance – she has 6 beautiful young ladies standing before her, but she only has 5 photos in her hands.

  1. Dominique gets best photo
  2. Allison
  3. Angelea
  4. Lisa

It comes down to Laura and Shannon. Laura’s brand is supposed to be “lovable” and sweet, but her photos are sexy and seductive. Shannon is loyal to her brand, but in a confusing way. The judges reviewed all her photos and realized that she has never won a challenge or gotten best photo. Shannon gets sent home…finally!

5. Laura

Coming up, on the next episode of America’s Next Top Model: All-Stars: The girls get krunk at a party. Allison throws a shot over her shoulder. Angelea goes all 716 on the rest of the models.