Previously, on America’s Next Top Model: All-Star Edition: The girls filmed a “motion editorial” for Tyra Banks’ book “Model Land.” Laura got sent home.

The episode opens with a recap of the all-star season. And now I’m recapping the recap…I’m so meta right now. Apparently, Allison Harvard has one of the largest fan bases in “America’s Next Top Model” history. I believe it.

The final three hug it out. Lisa camera talks about how she struggled through mental and sexual abuse when she was little, and if she wins she wants to help out her charity which helps children that are in abusive households. Allison camera talks about how her dad died from cancer a year ago. She thinks winning would help propel her career in photography and fashion. Angelea camera talks about how she came from a rough area (716, represent) but you don’t have to be a product of your upbringing.

Tyra Mail! “Efkola, Aneta, Omorfa! Fierce and Love, Tyra.” Angelea gasps and somehow knows that that means easy, breezy, beautiful in Greek. Damn, girl. You got it.

Lisa says that Angelea is her biggest competition, but that she is still too fragile, and needs more confidence. Lisa’s winning “motion editorial” is on their TV, and Allison says she feels threatened because Lisa looks so beautiful in it. Allison camera talks that Lisa is a quadruple threat.

The next day, the girls meet up with Jay Manuel at a restaurant for the Cover Girl print ad and commercial shoot. The winning photo will appear in a national print campaign for Cover Girl, as all the Top Model winners do, I believe. Paige Cali, Cover Girl Director of Communications is at the shoot too. I’m not paid by Cover Girl in any way, but I’m excited because they’re going to be modeling a product I actually use and love, the Shadow Blast eye shadow. So hey Cover Girl, hit me up. I like the dark brown one. Nikos Papadopoulos, the guy who took pictures of all the girls in a big salad bowl, is back for the shoot.

Angelea says Lisa is her biggest competition for the commercial because she has so much personality. The girls don’t have to memorize the lines; they have a script for them to read from on an iPad – so modern those Top Modelers.

Lisa D’Amato – Cycle 5

The client says that she loves Lisa’s vivacious personality during the photo shoot. Jay says Lisa’s eyes look amazing in the close up shots for the commercial, but he says she sounds like she’s trying to sell him a used car in the actual acting part of the commercial.

Allison Harvard – Cycle 12

The client says Allison is really great and her eyes have a lot of personality. Once again, Allison is worried about her vampire vision because they’re doing close ups of her eyes. She says it’s too bright for her to open her eyes completely, and Jay says it’s a nightmare. Her eyes start tearing up, and they dramatically go to commercial. They end up doing all of the close up shots with Allison’s eyes closed.

Angelea Preston – Cycle 14

Angelea’s hair looks kind of horrible in her photo shoot. Jay says she rocks her photo shoot, and she does pretty well in her commercial as well.

Tyra Mail! “Ciao Bella! Get ready for a beach day! Fierce and Love, Tyra.” They wonder why it’s in Italian and wonder if they’re going to Italy.

The girls arrive at a beach in Crete and they are told they’re going to be shooting for Italian Vogue. Only one of their shoots will have their photos published – the winner of Top Model All-Stars. Allison gets her eyebrows bleached, and Angelea says she now believes that Allison is her biggest competition. I think Allison kind of looks like an alien with her eyebrows bleached. Lisa says she doesn’t think anyone’s feet are big enough to fit the winner’s shoes except for the LD’s big feet, what?

Another Tyra Mail! “A true goddess can rise above the competition… Fierce and Love, Tyra.” The girls think it refers to the final runway.

The next day they meet Jay Manuel. He says they’ve never in the history of Top Model had three girls do the final runway. First, they’re going to descend down into a pool of water, which represents their transformation from mortal to goddess. (Just like their transformation to all stars.) They’re also going to be flying through the air onto the runway, because…why not? I guess. Then they’re going to hear the song that they wrote and walk back and forth to their own songs.

Shannon, Dominique, and Laura are going to be in the show too, along with some local models. Michael Cinco shows up and shows them the dresses that they conceptualized with him and that he created for them. They’re all actually really awesome, and they all match their personalities. Laura is rooting for Allison and calls her Alli Cat, which is really cute. Shannon is rooting for Lisa. Dominique won’t pick a favorite. The judges show up for the runway show, and of course Miss Jay is wearing a red mini gladiator outfit.

Angelea is worried about the water scene because she can’t swim and she’s worried her hair is going to fall off in the water. Lisa misinterprets her crying as Angelea thinking she deserves to win, and disses her for crying before the show has even begun and ruining her makeup.

All the girls are wearing big masks and wigs, so you can’t really tell who is who. Tyra opens the show, and all these crazy Greeks come out on stilts playing with fire and shit. They actually have to swim through this little atrium area first, and then they’re transformed behind a curtain into their dresses. I thought Angelea was freaking out about nothing, but they actually are doing some heavy duty swimming.

Lisa starts her runway, and she gets lost in the water and ends up by the wall instead of where she’s supposed to be. She manages to regain her senses, and she walks up behind the curtain. It turns out, once the curtain raises, another model comes in on wires, and the swimmer model leaves to go get changed. So Lisa runs to go get dry and change, and then gets harnessed for her turn to walk the runway. It’s really windy, but Lisa works it out and dances around to her song. Totally still have to buy that single.

Angelea is freaking out about the water, but she does a pretty good job of “kind of swimming.” She comes in on her harness, and works the runway to her song. Miss Jay gets up and starts dancing around during her song, it’s kind of hilarious.

Allison stays under water really long for her swimming part. Allison says she’s worried about how windy it is, and they show Miss Jay’s toga blowing all around. Allison has a lot of trouble with the wind and kind of gets blown around a bit.

Judging

Tyra, André, Nigel, and Jay are back in LA, and they’re conducting a judging under “unusual circumstances.” Nigel says that after the show wrapped, Angelea told the producers information that disqualified her from the competition. They’re now going to do the judging of Allison and Lisa alone without weighing in Angelea as competition. Jay Manuel says they wish Angelea the best in all her endeavors and the rest agree. WHAT WAS IT?? What did she tell them? Why was Angelea disqualified from America’s Next Top Model?

Allison and Lisa show up, and Allison’s eyebrows are back to normal. I wonder if Angelea maybe won the competition, and that’s why they have to redo the judging?*

Nigel says he loved Allison under the water, but her walk still wasn’t her best part. Nigel says Lisa was a mess under the water, but the audience loved her performance on the runway. They show Allison’s commercial, and Nigel says he can “hear her talking through her closed eyes.” André wishes Allison’s articulation had been more poppy. Nigel says Lisa’s commercial was super fun, but Tyra says she was only “50% of Lisa,” and it felt too safe. They look at the Cover Girl shots, and Nigel says it’s not his favorite shot of Allison. Tyra says she needed to smize. Lisa only has one eye showing in her ad, but the judges all really like it and say she’s alluring.

The judges deliberate and go over all the girls’ previous model shoots, music videos, etc. One thing that comes up is Allison’s vampire vision, and how light is supposed to be a model’s best friend, but she can’t always be out in it.

The ladies come back in, and Tyra says part two of the Model Land “motion editorial” will reveal who the winner is. And the winner is…

Lisa D’Amato!

Lisa starts crying. She says she won’t let any of the judges down. Allison’s kind of over it. It’s probably the second time that she’s lost, so she’s already used to it. I can’t say I’m surprised, but I am a little disappointed that Allison didn’t win.

*Word on the street is that Angelea revealed that she actually won America’s Next Top Model: All-Stars, which violated a confidentiality agreement that the contestants all signed, so she was disqualified. And apparently, that is why Angelea was disqualified from America’s Next Top Model.