Penny takes advice from Jane to change her new boyfriend, rather than change for him. You know, like she did with Brad! (This is news to Brad.) Jeff, Penny’s new guy is into cross country skiing (so were my parents and it sounds like misery). Jane calls her on changing for the guy. Find a guy change him that’s what jane did. Apparently Jeff is thirty going on twenty, evidenced by his propensity to say “sick” and “dog” and the fact that his apartment “smells like appetizers.” The amazing things keep coming: he uses a neon beer sign as a reading lamp, has a futon, and reads Joyce Carol Oates. So that’s nice for him. Jane encourages Penny to “woman him into submission.” Penny starts by suggesting a purple dress shirt, though he only gets on the dress shirt wagon when she offers metal gray. Then she takes him bed shopping and he finds one that is “mad cozy.” They outfit his entire house and through it all she gives little language and diction lessons which he desperately needs. He’s onto her though; sweet bro Jeff almost married his ex girlfriend but stopped short because he wouldn’t change for her. Despite his warnings to Penny, he undergoes the change, showing up to the bar with his soul patch freshly shaved. Unfortunately, he is also engaged to his ex girlfriend now. Penny, you did too good a job!

Brad and Jane deal with the whole “I changed you which is why you’re great” problem discovered when giving Penny advice. Apparently ‘College Brad’ was quite something and he decides to revisit that Brad to teach Jane a thing or two. This involves filming a new show called “Blackass” which is exactly what you think and the best thing ever. There is also a little person involved. Jane tries to be cool with all this, but there a lot of beanies happening on Brad’s head. She gets him with dry aged steak. Old Brad only eats turkey dogs and cereal. Delish. Though it turns out Jane has an ‘Old Jane’ too. And ‘Old Jane’ had pink hair, threw up at concerts and made out with girls in hot tubs. She gives Brad a look at this ‘Old Jane’ and its something special (see photo). In the end, they agree they changed each other, and eat some dry aged steak in beautiful clothes like the awesome people they are.

Alex and Max watch a Hoarders knock off show which gives them the insight they need to see that Dave is addicted to v-neck shirts. He has worn two in as many hours. They strip him of the one he’s wearing (in addition to taking all his others) and he has a sweet tan line. Sexy. Later they think they’ve caught him hiding one under his coat, but he insists that he “hasn’t v-ed in three days.” Max and Alex were right though, he was just wearing it backwards. So why the v-neck addiction? Max and Alex stage an intervention and learn that when Dave was eleven he was bullied by ‘Fat Harold’ who would yank Dave to the ground by back of his shirt. A v-neck allowed room in the front for him to wriggle away. Once this revelation is out Dvae is able to trade the V for T and don a turtleneck. Might have been better off with the V. Guess that’s what Dave thought too as titles over a slowly fading to black and white freeze frame inform us that three hours later, Dave had a relapse and was found at an outlet mall. Never go alone, Dave! I can’t emphasize that enough!

Fun Stuff:

  • There are guys at the bar who 1) bring a cat 2) wear Adidas shower sandals and 3)have a Family Guy tattoo.
  • Jane’s ridiculously beautiful wardrobe this week features a gray coat that I am going to spend the next few days trying to find online.
  • Alex thinks a baker’s dozen is 11.
  • Brad has a “good nipple.”
  • Dave has  a “date vee” which is that gray and white striped one from American Apparel.
  • Alex wishes her last name was a cookie like Alyssa Milano.
  • Whoever chose to put “No Scrubs” by TLC in this episode is my hero for life.