For the past decade any Oscar memories you have (snubs, deserving or undeserving winners, horrible speeches, etc) took place inside the world famous Kodak Theatre in Hollywood, Los Angeles. Built in 2001, the Kodak has hosted every Oscar since 2002 and was decreed to be permanent home for the event, the first time that the Academy had ever tied themselves to one particular site. Recently, however, the Academy exercised an opt-out in the contract binding the Oscars to the Kodak. In all likelihood this is just a ploy by the Academy to restructure a more favorable deal with the theater and they have no real intention of moving the Oscars to another site. Nevertheless, that shouldn’t stop us from speculating on where the Oscars should be held if they were to break off their relationship with the Kodak Theatre.

The Rose Bowl, Los Angeles, CA

Who says you can’t do the Oscars outside? I’ve been to a lot of concerts in my time and the best shows are almost always in an open air venue. Imagine the stage set up in one end zone with the chairs for the celebrities positioned in front of it on the field itself. Meanwhile, the stadium seats would be open to the public. Cool right? You could buy a ticket and go to the Oscars. Put on that tux you last wore to your high school prom and cheer and boo from the bleachers. Is Billy Crystal telling yet another joke about being old? Heckle him from the stands like you would a referee. Rise to your feet for the National Anthem and F-16 flyover. Leer at the sweater wearing USC cheerleaders during commercial breaks. What more could you ask for? This is a nation that loves sports and this website turns Oscar pools into the equivalent of fantasy football. Why not go all the way and put the thing out on the gridiron? Plus how great would it be to see the drunken lout in your section explode with rage when the band (the USC marching band) pipes up to cut Meryl Streep’s acceptance speech short?

Possible negatives: even though February in LA isn’t cold by national standards, Hollywood types are wimps so you’d expect a lot of overcoats and fewer scantily clad attention seeking actresses.

Broadway, New York, NY

There are more theaters in New York than there are available apartments. Just pick anyone of them along The Great White Way and you’ve immediately added an air of sophistication to the Oscar soiree. I know we’re used to the Oscars being a Hollywood event, but every actor who can afford it has a New York apartment where they stay when they want to appear ‘gritty’ and ‘serious’. Also every actor at least pays lip service to the idea that they want to do theater on Broadway so why not give them a chance to see what it’s like up there on stage in The Big Apple? The pressure to not blow it on stage in New York might ensure that everyone was in top form for acceptance speeches and surely no host would dare to half-ass it like Franco and Hathaway if they were on the sacred ground of a Broadway stage. Lastly, if you’re going to have Billy Crystal host the thing, at least consider letting him do it in his home city. Is there any doubt he’d don a Yankees jersey, do bits about the old neighborhood, and would absolutely slay a New York audience?

Possible Negatives: Unlike LA, New York actually is cold in February so there wouldn’t be many dresses held together with only sticky tape. Also, the idea of closing down Broadway for the Oscars just sent shivers down the spine of anyone familiar with New York traffic.

The Kennedy Center, Washington, DC

The prestige of The Kennedy Center would add even more sophistication to the event than would Broadway. Without the hustle and bustle of New York, the Oscars in DC would have the air of an erudite award ceremony for the highly esteemed. Then, of course, the actors would show up and act like attention seeking buffoons and negate any sense of refinement. Then again, what city is more familiar with attention whores than our nation’s capital? It’s crawling with fire and brimstone politicians and even though Mel Gibson is a despicable person it’s not like he can affect your personal liberties. In essence, DC is possibly the only place where the presence of egomaniacal people whose achievements are based on their ability to act/lie and obsess about their perceived public image is actually a step up from the famous people already inhabiting the city.

Possible negatives: Politicians would show up to the event and the cable news outlets would gin up non-controversies to get incensed about. There would probably be a lot political statements made by people who are obscenely wealthy and have no relation to the plight of the common man … the actors would probably say things too. Alec Baldwin would be heavily involved.

Olympia Theater, Miami, FL

The Oscars are already a celebration of the over celebrated, so they could just go all in on that sort of decadence and host the thing in the capital of over the top opulence: Miami. Just Google search the Olympia Theater in Miami. It looks like the sort of gaudy theater you’d find in a casino. It’s art deco mashed up with faux classical architecture set to a theme of the lost city of Atlantis. Let’s just say it’s not subtle. But neither are the Oscars. In fact the best parts of the Oscars are the people who buck tradition and show up drunk or wearing an outfit that was meant to be worn as lingerie. The next day no one is talking about the ones who conducted themselves with grace and dignity, we want the spoiled children who slur and sleazy their way up the red carpet. Why not encourage that behavior by having the Oscars in the bikini thong capital of North America (Brazil is the world title holder).

Possible negatives: Lebron James would probably show up, but he’d disappear in the final 5 minutes of the show so that’d be kind of enjoyable and any other potential negatives would be negated by the myriad of scandalous unconfirmed reports of debauchery from after parties and the potential that someone would show up in a bikini only to have to sit in a scratchy theater seat for over two hours.