On the finale of Kourtney & Kim Take New York, things pick up right where they left off last week.  Kim is bawling her eyes out and realizes she doesn’t want to be married.  Kourtney says maybe they should try things in a normal setting.  Kim thinks she should’ve “dated him longer” and that even Kris notices she’s different.

Now for the B plotline – apparently Scott is opening a restaurant??  He talks with his cigar smoking business partners who I’m 99% sure are mob involved and they sort out the most important order of business – Scott’s chair in his office.

Scott runs home and tells Kourtney about the restaurant and she says,  “I’ll believe it when I see it.”  She is used to Scott doing a million things at once and nothing ever really getting done – except of course for getting her pregnant.

Kim talks to Kris about how she feels “dead inside” and says, “It’s been a lot to deal with that I don’t think I was prepared for.”  Kris says they haven’t spent enough time together and that he needs to make her more of a priority.  She agrees and thinks they “owe it to each other to give this relationship everything we have.” LIES.

Kim and Kris attempt to spend time together by going to Pilates.  HUGE MISTAKE.  Kim “doesn’t show emotion” while she’s working out and when Kris makes a comment about it, she walks out saying, “I hate working out with people.”  Kim acknowledges that Kris has always had such an outspoken personality and that maybe “she’s the one that changed.”

Kim and Kourtney do “some last minute New York shopping” at Bergdorf Goodman. Kim tells Kourtney she needs to be supportive of Scott (Kim stop giving advice, you’re marriage is crumbling).  Kourtney says she knows she needs to be supportive but sometimes she “just forgets.”  However she never forgets to do “some last minute NY shopping.”

Kim and Kris go on a date at STK, which Kim describes by saying, “Our date is kind of awkward it’s kind of like our relationship, we didn’t have much to talk about its just weird.”  They talk about moving all his stuff to LA and this makes Kim “uncomfortable.”

In an effort to be supportive, Kourtney visits Scott at the “restaurant” and brings some Champaign to celebrate – whatever.

Kourtney talks with Kris about his time in NY.  Kris goes on about how him and Kim need to find a new home together and he feels weird about “demanding space in her home.” Oy Vey, YOU GUYS ARE MARRIED.

When Kim sees all of Kris’s boxes she starts having panic attacks about all his stuff at her house.  It’s obvious he is completely in the dark about the extent of her doubts and she is acting like he is on the exact same page as her.  She keeps telling him that all his stuff won’t fit and from the other room Kourtney yells out, “You’re such a bitch Kim.  If I were Kris I would hate you right now.”  Kris walks away and says, “I’m trying to meet her halfway and she’s talking about my boxes not fitting in her house.  It’s true Kim.  You’re not ready for someone in your life.” Ouch.

Kim confronts Kourtney and Kourtney says, “I’m confused.”  She doesn’t understand why Kim would be saying those things to Kris if they were “trying to work things out.”  Kim goes into their hair and makeup room, which is used so they’re camera ready for their “reality show,” and calls Khloe.  Remember Khloe? The same sister Kim called a troll.  Of course Khloe is there to rescue Kim because she’s hated Kris from the start.  Khloe says so many ridiculous things I won’t even bother repeating them. The most interesting thing is hearing Kim’s version of all the conversations she’s had with Kris.  Delusional.

Kourtney walks into the makeup room.  Kim starts talking a mile a minute and says, “If you know how I feel why would you say that?”  She begins to sob, “I feel awful that I feel that way, I feel awful that like I fell in love with a guy and its like not what I thought it would be.  Everyone sees that I’m a different person.  I’m such a bitch like I’m just not myself, and I’m not happy.  It happened way too fast and I didn’t know him.”  Suddenly, a knock at the door and its Kris.  Kourtney hasn’t said a word.   Side note: The entire time she’s crying, waterfalls of makeup are coming off her face and she’s still wearing more eyeliner than you, me, and our five closest friends will ever wear in our lifetimes.

Kim says, “What do I say?  Why am I crying?” Kourtney finally speaks and says, “Just don’t answer the door.”  Kourtney tells Kim about her conversation with Kris.  Then Scott walks in the door and asks, “What’s going on?”  In addition to your yellow plaid pants Scott – a lot.  Kim explains how horrible it is that “Kris is moving all his things to her house” and Scott says, “You do realize you’re married right?”  Kim says, “He’s everything, on paper exactly what I want in someone, but for some reason my heart isn’t connecting.”  What heart?

Kim goes on and on about how bad she feels for changing his whole life, wasting everyone’s money but that “people change their minds, people make mistakes.”  Now Kourtney is crying and she says, “So say that though.  Don’t say any of this other dumb shit.”  Scott is in sensei mode and says, “It was the image in your mind of being happily married at your age, got a great career and you wanted to be happy…she obviously felt very pressured.”  Scott tells her “don’t leave it up in the air anymore.  Deal with it.”

Kim goes back into the hotel room and apologizes to Kris.  She’s still incredibly vague and she tells him she’s been crying.  He’s still completely in the dark and says, “Yeah don’t start panicking.  It’s alright.”  Kim decides that she needs to “handle her issues privately” and has “way too much respect for Kris to want to have this conversation and figure out their relationship in NY.”

Kris, still completely clueless, takes his stuff to storage with his friend.  Kris says, “Kim has been acting weird and distant…and I felt like she was panicking.  I was just over her.  I’m ready to get a divorce.”  Oh no.  Now listen, Kris obviously said this in frustration, so don’t think editing that in is going to make us all think he came up with the idea – Kris Jenner.

Kim says, “Kris and I feel disconnected and we don’t have the same friends, we don’t have the same interests.  We don’t have really, a lot to talk about.”  Well that’s because you didn’t take the time to build a life together.  Kim says, “Everything I envisioned my life to be, is now not the fairytale I really wanted it to be.”  More shots of silence during the car ride to the airport and then a dramatic shot of the departures sign.  THE END.  I’m exhausted.

But don’t worry; you won’t be without the Kardashians for long. The new season of Khloe and Lamar starts February 19th!