One million dollars separates Harry Potter’s first deviation from the series that made him excessive quantities of money with the number one of the box office this weekend, shameless retread Chronicle which reminds everyone how thoroughly boring the Superhero genre, the found footage genre, and the teenage recklessness genre have all become. But never underestimate the stupidity of the teenage male.


Ah yes, the teenage male. This is the general target audience for Hollywood, and if you can cater to them well enough, then you’ll end up with Transformers. It doesn’t matter what is playing, they will pay for just about anything that allows them to screw with the row in front of them in the theater, and I can’t imagine any film better to support the catharsis necessary over the weekend for this unusual species.


It was The Woman in Black, rated only a decimal point lower than the above competitor on IMDb, which had any possibility for pushing forward. Audiences’ understanding of the supernatural genre has been expanding for so long now that it is nearly impossible to actually scare them. The same old horror stories, often rated R to capitalize on blood and guts, easily become clichéd in their tactics and premises. Following in the footsteps of the box office success equivalent of Mount Everest, that is the Paranormal Activity series, it is nearly impossible now to be unique as a ghost-story. Daniel Radcliffe can’t seem to avoid redundancy, even in a completely separate genre.


The bizarre and unnatural convergence of multiple genres in Big Miracle gives it something of a dissociative identity disorder. It shows in the numbers, and in the many, many reviews of disgruntled critics whose job confined them to the viewing and unwitting audiences who thought maybe it’d be an okay family film. It ended up in the top five in the box office, and if anything, the filmmakers should be proud their little Frankenstein’s monster made it that far.


As for next week.

Denzel Washington can be a good actor. With a solid script. He has that wholly likeable persona. But that sub-standard remake of The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3 followed by the preachy, naïve, and incredibly boring Book of Eli featuring a murderer for God—Denzel was lucky for Tony Scott’s obsession with trains, to end up in Unstoppable. A simple premise, and a conceited and barely-actor co-star makes up his next big project this upcoming weekend. But you never know. Déjà vu? How about The Manchurian Candidate, anyone?


Rampart is about a man who struggles to take care of his family. Yeah, people will relate. Too much. Back off with stories like that right now, it’s depressing your audiences. Journey 2?? Am I the only movie-goer absolutely astonished by some of the releases these days? I don’t believe The Rock quite belongs in a Jules Verne destruction enterprise.

And then The Vow. I don’t know how Channing Tatum made it. Did he take his shirt off a lot? I never watched him. Ever. And I don’t intend to. But either way, it doesn’t make the plot any less ridiculous or boring. You want real films about memory-loss? There’s an article will be posted soon all about it. However! Women need romance, and since guys usually aren’t up to the task, a good movie about it will do for now. This film will fight for first against Star Wars: Episode I this weekend. We all know how awful that installment is, and yes Jar-Jar will destroy the saga all over again, but those fans of the series really are fanatics.