Season 14 of Dancing with the Stars began with a graphics explosion, Brooke Burke in a heinous Prom dress, and Maks in an open shirt..

Up first is Extra host Maria Menounos and I kind of hate her because of her willingness to wear a bikini while she constantly says things like “I’m such a girl…I’m like a dude but I have boobs.”  She also has a terrible laugh.  Maria and Derek Hough dance the Cha Cha to Kelly Clarkson’s Stronger.  Len thinks “it’s a great start to the show,” and Bruno calls her “Curvaceously delicious” and tells her to “open up the sex pot.”  Maria receives a 21.

“Heartthrob” Jack Wagner and Anna Trebunskaya dance a “zany” Foxtrot.  Bruno calls its “beautifully acted, and beautifully danced” and Carrie Anne says, “You just took me to a happy place.”  Len rains on the parade and calls his technique, “poor.”  Jack receives a 23 out of 30.

Super Bowl Champ and Green Bay packer Donald Driver wants that mirror ball trophy.  His son also thinks his partner Peta Murgatroyd is “hot.”  Rehearsing with his wind pants rolled up into shorts pays off and he dances an energetic Cha Cha.  Carrie Anne says he “kicked that Cha Chas booty” and Bruno says, “We got the impact.  Energy, power, presence.  You were like a rooster.”  Donald receives a 21.

Musician Gavin Degraw knows how to rock a fedora in rehearsal and on the ballroom floor.  Gavin and Karina Smirnoff dance a bit of a shaky Foxtrot, but there’s some potential.  Len calls him “ a little bit stiff in his arms and legs” and Bruno says he has “great charm” but that he “has to learn how to link the moves.”  Carrie Ann likes “his interpretation of the movement.”  Gavin also supplies the most awkward comment of the night saying, “I sometimes stiffen up at the wrong times too” and Karina looks really uncomfortable.  Gavin receives a 20.

This years Disney star is Roshon Fegan and he certainly has the confidence of a child star.  Roshon and Chelsie Hightower dance an energetic fast paced Cha Cha that for some reason ends with him falling down on a chaise lounge. Bruno calls it, “laser sharp” and Carrie Ann “loves his cool youthful flavor.”  Len says, “There’s no question you can dance, but technically the performance was low.”  He receives a 23.

View co-host and comedian Sherri Shepherd has the unfortunate task of being partnered with Val Chmerkovskiy.  In rehearsal Sherri perfects squeezing her butt so she can dance the Foxtrot to “Sherry.”  Carrie Ann “loves watching her dance” and Len “can sum it up in three words, fun, fun, fun.”  Bruno says she “lights up the room.”  Sherri receives a 23.

Fresh off a divorce and a broken back, Melissa Gilbert dances the Cha Cha with a freshly spray tanned Maks Chmerkovskiy. Melissa is a little stiff but that doesn’t stop Maks from throwing her around the ballroom.  Len “thought it was a very ambitious routine” and Bruno calls it “the attack of the woman in black.”  Carrie Ann sees “great potential.”  She receives a 20.

William Levy, aka “The Mexican Brad Pitt” who is really Cuban, dances the Cha Cha to an eardrum-damaging rendition of “International Love.”  The ballroom and the judges go crazy for William, even if his dancing seems subpar.  Bruno calls him “the hottest package of the season” and Carrie Ann “likes the way he moves” aka his sleeveless shirt.  He receives a 24.

Tennis champion Martina Navratilova wears a dress “for the first time in 20 years” and dances a Foxtrot with Tony Dovolani.  Carrie Ann says, “It’s so beautiful to see this transformation” but for Len, “it wasn’t quite there.”  Martina earns a 20.

Classical singer Katherine Jenkins dances the Foxtrot with #1 Ballroom Creeper, Mark Ballas.  The performance is fun, light, and full of sunflowers.  Of course Len loves it, calling it “crackin’.”  Bruno says, “the quality of movement is surreal” and Carrie Ann calls it “the best first dance on the first episode ever.”  Katherine snags the lead with a 26 out of 30.

Music legend Gladys Knight dances the Cha Cha with partner Tristan MacManus, who refers to himself as “the hot one” and rightfully so (back off William Levy, this is Tristan’s ballroom and he knows it).  Gladys wants to win and she’s surprisingly good and so are Tristan’s facial expressions throughout the entire routine.  Bruno says, “The legend has got the moves.  You got class and you got sass and you are a star.”  Carrie Ann’s comments are basically unintelligible but she really likes it and Len “loves the naturalness about her dancing.”  Gladys earns a 23.

Jaleel White wants to prove that he’s not as clumsy as Steve Urkel and he does just that, with a classy Foxtrot.  Basically we’re watching Urkel’s alter ego Stefan Urquelle (your welcome Family Matters fans) dance with partner Kym Johnson.  Carrie Ann calls it “smooth” and Len says, “it has elegance and it has sophistication.”  Jaleel ties Katherine Jenkins with a 26 out 30.

Eliminations won’t start until next week, but as of right now Jaleel White and Katherine Jenkins are tied for the top spot.