The ABC announcer gave me some bittersweet news tonight: Happy Endings is new until the end of the season. So let’s just enjoy these new jokes while we still have them and remind ourselves that we’re already three weeks in the bonus from season 1.

Penny and Alex aren’t drinking because they’re on Teri Hatcher’s cleanse, which Penny learned about on “T. Hatch’s” Tumblr. They’re supposed to give up all sugars (including alcohol) but Alex decides to take it to the next level and throw out all their food. The girls each handle the side effects differently: Penny almost jumps off of a building, while Alex is learning how high she can jump. Penny breaks and eats a plate of waffles to rival the waffle eating skills like my other favorite TV character, Leslie Knope. Alex comes home and makes her way to Penny’s room, so she’s forced to hide them on the ceiling fan blades and find a Kris Jenner’s book to read instead. This goes fine until Alex turns the fan on. Big mess! Alex takes off with her new cleanse buddy, Avi (played by Paul Scheer!). After an Avi party gets a little too weird she heads to the bar and has her way with a turkey leg. That’s the Alex I know and love!

Max isn’t even recognized by the gang because he’s been spending so much time with Grant. After sleeping over, he tries to sneak out the next morning because he’s worried about settling down. Thankfully, Grant is able to lure him into staying by describing his homemade frittatas as “egg pizza.” A man after my own heart. They end up spending an entire relationship day together, that results in matching Grant and Max t-shirts featuring caricatures of their faces. Needless to say, Max is still a little worried about commitment. Finally he gives in and admits to Grant that he sees a future with him, only to learn that Grant doesn’t want kids and he that he might now want them. They have a long talk and decided to take a break to figure things out. Penny thinks this is awfully grown up of Max, but he doesn’t want to seem too grown up, so he moons the whole bar until Penny points out that they’d “like you to put that away.” She sweetly covers for Max when he can’t admit to the group that he might want kids and is being a grown up and I remember that their friendship is one of my favorite parts of this show. More please, writers!

Brad and Jane are having sex dreams, and not about each other. They’re all about Dave. Brad recognizes Jane’s “wake up from dream gasps,” more proof that they’re the best married couple on television. Brad has one about dave right after. They tell Penny, which makes her start having them too. Though hers wasn’t so much sexy as it was him proposing to her. Dave thinks they’re weird because he’s so successful now (see below) and they play along to avoid having to admit the dreams. The only one not having them is Alex, who also hasn’t been drinking Dave’s drinks. They decide that it’s Dave’s drinks that give them the dreams and stop immediately (though Penny keeps drinking!) Later it turns out Max was having them too!

Dave is turning the truck into a speakeasy now that he got his liquor license and ooooh boy is he dressed the part! Colin Hanks shows up, and Dave worries about calling him Tom. He brings an earring-ed Colin Hanks to meet his friends but they’ve left at that point, having discovered the magical nature of the drinks. Colin says not to worry and introduces Dave to his new friends, who would really like some cocaine. Bit of a different crowd! He joins the gang at the bar, where they admit the sex dreams and assure him of their friendship. It also turns out that Colin Hanks is a bit much. As in, would like Dave to move to Tampa with him and yaps about how he is staring in the new Hangover… video game. Yikes. Sidenote: I totally had a Tom Hanks celebrity sighting last weekend – talk about full circle! Turns out that Dave’s speakeasy was just a flash in the pan, but Alex still wants to try one of the special drinks! There is Alex and Dave making out action, but it turns out to just be a dream. Until it isn’t! Is that Dave in bed with her? I’m calling it now: by the end of the season, Dave gets back with Alex or starts things up with Penny.

Lines of the night and fun facts:

  • Dave invented something called the “boxer thong.”
  • Alex once ate rat poison because she confused the box with pirate cereal.
  • A “whore’s bath” includes rubbing dryer sheets on your hair when you haven’t showered after a one-night stand. Thanks for the info, Penny!
  • Brad once had a sex dream about mom from Dinosaurs.
  • Penny owns (and wears) “paj-overalls” which are like pajama jeans, but MORE ridiculous.
  • “Oooh! Floor bacon!” – Max