This week on MIOBI, which is quickly becoming a reality show, the girls are forced to perform for the NGO and someone, or maybe more than someone, is going home. For the next couple days, everyone is on a 7pm curfew. The one most upset about this is Payson who wants to go see her boy. Yes, that is not a typo, I did not mean Lauren. In fact, Payson asks Lauren for help sneaking out. And Lauren comes up with the brilliant plan of a big sweatshirt.

Payson and Rigo enjoy a secret date on a well-lit quad where they practice their fake English accents.

Kathy Najimy is still there trying desperately to stay important (you’re always important in our book, Sister Mary Roberts!). Baby G is vying for representation, but Najimy won’t take on someone competing with her daughter. Kathy Najimy asks if Jordan is related to the Coach. Wow, racist. Like not even pretending to not be racist.

Meanwhile, Coach and the head of the NGO strategize against China like they are working for David Palmer and not coaching a girls’ gymnastics team (props if you get that reference) using words like “intel” and “supermoves”.

The girls call Jordan out for being the mole (i.e. telling coach every time they break the rules) and Jordan announces that she’s not here to make friends. I’m not kidding, this might as well be America’s Next Top Gymnast.

Payson is really nervous that Lauren’s heart might “give out at any moment.” When she asks Rigo what she should do, he tells her to let Lauren compete; it’s not her job to tell her what to do. Payson doesn’t listen and decides the best course of action is the call Lauren out in front of coach and the NGO who promptly kick her out of camp.

Baby G nails her audition, but the NGO tells Jordan that she has to do her signature move, the Layout Jordan (I can’t make this stuff up), or they don’t want her to keep training. Jordan refuses and storms out. The NGO Head announces that, “It’s Emily Kmetko all over again.” Really? Is it? Is Jordan pregnant? Did I miss something?

Coach and the NGO discuss the girls and decide who to cut. They are clearly using the actress’ real headshots as props. They unanimously decide to keep Jordan on.

When the list is posted, the only one we know going home is Kelly Parker. I’m outraged. But not as outraged as newly outted racist, Kathy Najimy, who is screaming Affirmative Action at the top of her lungs. Then, in a series of events that I don’t entirely understand, it is revealed that Baby G is secretly evil (like comparable to the girl in The Ring) and has been the mole the entire time and using Kathy Najimy to get to the coach. Her plan is to take the Rock girls down and is convinced that she’s doing a great job. Unless she gave Lauren a heart condition, she needs to step up her game.

Kaylie and Payson go to visit Lauren who promptly tells Payson to “get out of my room and out of my life.” She’s done. Two down, two to go.

MIOBI Stats

Payson: Made it for doing the right thing for her friend.

Lauren: Broke it. Her dreams for the Olympics, that is.

Kaylie: Made it for surviving another day.

Kelly: Made it for finally moving on from her mother and taking her defeat like a champ.

Jordan: Made it for staying on the team, even if it is only because she’s black.

Baby G: I still don’t understand what she did.