This week on Keeping Up With the Kardashians, Kourtney fights with her mom and Kim pranks Bruce.

Kim has been “bonding” with her younger sisters, meaning she’s poisoning their minds and turning them into mini versions of herself.  Kim pretends she’s never put fake eyelashes on by herself (YEAH RIGHT) and then makes Kylie put them on her.  This scene proves there’s no good reason why this show is a half hour long.

Kourtney and Kris have lunch.  Kourtney says that in terms of mannerisms she’s inherited from her mother,  she “happened to get the bitchy and annoying” ones.  Does Kris have any others? Kris says Kourtney has been an exceptionally critical of her since  her book came out (the book talks bout how  how she cheated on Kourtney’s father).

Kris being the “momager” that she is, gets Kendall and Kyle jobs as “West Coast Fashion Contributors” for Seventeen Magazine.  Their first assignment involves them going to Malibu and finding 20 potential models to be in the magazine.  Kendall is worried about talking to random strangers because she’s “shy.”  Kendall’s so shy that she has cameras following her around 24/7.

Kim and Kourtney have lunch and Kourtney tells Kim she doesn’t want their mom seeing the new Dash space.  Kourtney explains that she’s “annoyed” with her mom for writing about her  affairs.  Kourtney thinks her mom “ wasn’t being selfish on purpose, but that her actions were selfish.”  Now that Kourtney has her own kids, she can’t even imagine doing what her mother did.  Kim thinks Kourtney should talk to Kris about it.

Kim skypes with Khloe and they talk about Kourtney’s problems with their mom.  Then Kim says, “How cute was it when I used to do my own hair and makeup and dress myself and be a normal human being?”  Khloe responds with,“ Now we try too hard” and Kim says, “We try way too hard, it’s embarrassing.”  THEN STOP.  And also Kim, I doubt you were ever “normal.”

Kendall and Kylie are in Malibu on their model search.  Kendall doesn’t want to talk, so Kylie ends up doing all the work.  In the car Kylie says, “That was fun.  Hopefully next time you do more.”  They fight.

Kourtney hosts the first family dinner at her new house, meaning she hires a personal chef to cook dinner for everyone.  Kris flirts with the personal Chef and Kourtney calls her “inappropriate and embarrassing.”  They bicker and Kris calls Kourtney, “f*cking uptight.”  Kris asks Kourtney to talk outside.  Kris is “sick and tired” of the rude comments and Kourtney says, “I don’t understand how you can do that to your family.”  Kris says, “If I had to do it all over again, obviously I wouldn’t do it…I’ve paid a price for what happened to me in my life…”  Kourtney cuts her off and says, “I don’t want to keep talking about this.  I don’t relate to it.  I don’t understand it.”

Scott tries to talk to Kourtney about her fight with Kris but Kourtney doesn’t want to. Kourtney has a hard time expressing her “emotions” and  Scott says, “It’s tiring for me to always be trying to get something out of her.”  Don’t you see Scott?  There’s nothing in there! There’s NOTHING in ANY OF THEM!

Kylie talks to Kim about Kendall being too shy.  Kim says, “You totally have to figure out what your strengths and your weaknesses are and you have to meet in the middle.” Kylie and Kendall take Kim to their next model scouting session and Kendall is miraculously less shy after talking to one person. Ahh, the miracle of scripted Reality TV.

Kris fake cries to Bruce about how upset she is that Kourtney is upset.  Bruce tries his best to focus, but all he can think about is how much he’s rather be watching golf on TV.

Bruce goes on a hike with Kim, Kendall, and Kylie.  Bruce keeps picking up spiders and waving them in their faces -Kim is deathly afraid of spiders and completely overreacts around them.  However, I will not judge her for this because spiders are gross.  Back at the house, Bruce decides to throw a spider on Kim because he wants her to conquer her fear.  She runs out of the house screaming.

Kourtney decides to see a therapist about her issues with her mom.  The therapist thinks Kourtney is especially sensitive to this because she’s about to have a girl.  Kourtney starts crying.  After the session, Kourtney apologizes to Scott for not “opening up to him” and promises to start sharing things with him. Then they go sleep in separate bedrooms.Kim, Kendall, and Kylie, along with the help of Bruce’s son Brandon, decide they’re going to “scare Bruce” by making him think someone stole Kim’s Ferrari  while he was borrowing it.  Brandon and Bruce take the Ferrari to the Go Kart track and while they’re in there, Kim and Scott move the Ferrari.  When they walk out, Bruce freaks out and thinks someone stole the car.  Then Scott and Kim drive up and everyone laughs.  Oh these wacky kids!

Meanwhile Kris tries to buy Kourtney’s affection with an early baby present and Kourtney isn’t having it.  Kourtney tells her she went to therapy and realized instead of taking it out on her mom, she’s needs to “communicate more with what she’s annoyed about, instead of just giving her an attitude.”  They hug and Kourtney says, “I love you” in the shallowest way possible.

Bruce can’t drop the spider thing so he makes Kim sit at the dinner table with a  jar of spiders.  Kim names the spiders and is able to sit at the table without screaming.