Well it’s official. This short season of eight episodes will be MIOBI’s last. Like we didn’t already know that. I think this just goes to prove that unplanned pregnancy only ups the ratings of “Secret Life of the American Teenager.”

Kaylie and Payson try to make things right with Jordan after finding out she’s not the mole, but Jordan’s not hearing any of it. Back at home after Jordan leaves for dinner with her bunny, Baby G sets off her sprinkler to manipulate the rooming situation. She and Jordan move into Kaylie and Payson’s room just to make things awkward. When Kaylie sees Jordan’s rabbit she says, “Is that rodent?” “It’s a rabbit,” responds Jordan. Yes?

Meanwhile, in her single hospital room, Lauren finds out she needs open heart surgery and won’t be able to be in the Olympics. I thought we already knew that? Still, I’m relieved to see Lauren. Unfortunately, it looks like she won’t be here too much longer…

Lauren’s dad lets it slip that there is one other surgical option for Lauren. There is a Dr. Kevin Walker who does a new procedure that might have Lauren recovered in time to go to London. How convenient. However, he won’t perform the surgery on athletes. Payson sets out to change his mind and takes off for Santa Fe with Rigo.

Coach informs Jordan that she needs to start being a team player. Jordan and Kaylie get into an approximately fifteen second fight before making up and joining forces against Baby G.

Lauren’s dad brings her a sock monkey. When that doesn’t cheer here up, he presents CANDACE CAMERON BURE! Apparently she’s been in Florida. But now she’s here in Colorado and armed with prayer.

Austin asks Kaylie for help finalizing his routine for eliminations. He’s sure he’s going to the Olympics, but just needs a little help with floor. Well, this is definitely going to end well.

Payson and Rigo stop and camp near the retreat where the doctor is located. Rigo wants to zip their sleeping bags together, but Payson is nervous because she’s virgin. A virgin at sleeping bag zippering? Rigo tells her that he respects her and isn’t looking for sex and she agrees to zip.

The next morning, Payson wakes up with perfectly French braided hair and begs Dr. Walker to meet with Lauren. He refuses saying she doesn’t understand.

Back at the training camp, Jordan sleeps in Payson’s bed so Baby G doesn’t find out she’s gone. Baby G gossips to a sleeping “Payson” about how she thinks Jordan won’t hack it. Intrigue!!!

Austin ends up getting cut from the Olympic team and blames it on Kaylie. Then he dumps her. Bad day for Kaylie.

Payson gets home and Lauren, who’s finally decided to pray with DJ Tanner, forgives her. Miraculously, at that exact moment, Dr. Walker shows up and agrees to look at Lauren. Didn’t see that coming at all.

Then, Payson bangs Rigo. Totally saw that coming.

MIOBI Stats

Jordan: Made it for telling off Baby G and not being such a stubborn bitch this week.

Lauren: Made it for finding faith in God and getting her prayers answered. I don’t know how to say it less annoying than that.

Baby G: What a total butt-munch.

Kaylie: Broke up.

Payson: Made love.