Here’s what was actually going on while you were busy deciding which Mom was more heroic for raising someone else’s deaf/Hispanic daughter.

Bay’s crime spree seems to have cut into study time, and now she’s broken a record for least amount of school time logged before being threatened with academic probation. She’s especially excited to have the opportunity to kick around Old Joe’s Breaking Bad Junkyard with a team of teenage runaways with names like 8-Ball and Mouse, but parents just don’t understand and put her under house arrest until all her homework is finished. Bay tries to pull the “I’m going to art school anyway, why do I need to be able to read” argument. But trust me, Bay, no one wants to live with life decisions they made at 17. Just ask the cast of Teen Mom.

Daphne’s having a hard time reading the signs, but she should know you don’t sh… where you eat. Or where other people eat. Daph’s having one romantic mishap after another. She’s love ping-ponging back and forth between cute line cook Kal Penn and sexy Chef Jeff, and neither one seems to be interested for long. Maybe it’s that Daph can’t go a day in the kitchen without knocking over an entire shelf of prepared foods or spilling six days worth of soup on the floor. Maybe it’s because she’s a vocal vegetarian, which Chef Jeff finds even more repulsive than “the deaf thing.” Maybe they can smell the desperation on her when she shows up in full slut-garb to wash dishes. Whatever the case, Daph had better get it together and brace herself for the revelation that Chef Jeff totally slept with her best friend’s mom, Marlee Matlin.

Dad Wars rage at home while Mom Wars rage abroad. Papa John confronts Angelo’s friendly Dad methodology, but it’s too little too late because Bay’s already snuck out to tag the Kennish Kar Wash with mediocre graffiti to impress the Garbage Pail Kids. Reg and K sit through the world’s most melodramatic TV interview on Good Afternoon Kansas City before heading out for a ladies’ night at Daph’s restaurant. It’s there that Mama K proceeds to unleash her inner wino, and third wheel Marlee Matlin unleashes some serious game on Chef Jeff with zingers like, “You can amuse my mouth any time you want.” After dinner, Marlee no doubt beds Chef Jeff in ten minutes flat, but Reg and K head for a drunken wobbly trip down memory lane to look at babies in the hospital. It’s a weird night all around.

Extra, Extra:

Everyone seems to be watching Shark week.

The Kennishes really need to get better legal counsel if their plan of action is to go to trial with a lactation specialist obsessed with the AntiChrist.

Chef Jeff: Telling someone about your engineering degree is not currency enough to elicit the back story of her two moms. Try again.

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