Previously, on America’s Next Top Model: College Edition, the models headed to Jamaica and had a dance-hall style dancing challenge. They then had a photo shoot with Rob Evans and other male models. Nastasia won best photo and Victoria, my crazy little home-schooled freak, was eliminated. That’s right, there’s no more side competition going on, so she was just straight up sent home.

The show opens with scenes from around the non-povertized parts of Jamaica. Yeah, I probably just made up a word…jealous? The girls head back to the “America’s Next Top Model: College Edition Sorority House” Half Moon resort, and Nastasia’s best photo is up on the wall. Kiara, who was in the bottom two with Victoria, camera talks that Victoria wasn’t mentally prepared to be there, and that it was good that she went home.

Later the girls are sitting around talking, and Kiara says she would kill someone to win America’s Next Top Model. And her mouth is saying it in a hypothetical way, but her crazy eyes are saying it in a more literal way. Dude, if I was one of the other models I would watch. my. back. Kristin camera talks that “everyone else is super annoying.” And that she doesn’t want to be friends with them or live with them anymore. Laura camera talks that it’s not fair that Leila is back and hasn’t had to deal with the stress that they’ve been dealing with. Except she pretty much has. She’s been doing all the photo shoots the whole time, plus she’s been extra stressing out about getting back into the competition. Shut up, Laura. Just shut up.

The girls meet up with Johnny Wujek and Cedella Marley, designer/singer, at the beach. Cedella is also the daughter of Bob Marley and coincidentally has a new swimsuit line. The girls’ challenge are going to modeling in Cedella’s swimsuits along with “two of Tyra’s biggest fears,” dolphins…duhn, duhn, duhn. Scary, right? They should have done this episode as a Halloween special. No really, dolphins are well-known as being fearless rapists, so yeah…

Laura camera talks that she’s insecure about her “real body” alongside all of the skinny girls. Yeah, if she’s fat, that makes all the girls, like, obese. As part of their challenge, the girls have to do one pose in the shallow end with a dolphin and one pose in the deep end being pushed by the dolphins. While Leila is doing her shallow end pose, her dolphin gets spooked and whips around and hits her in the leg really hard. Kristin camera talks that she’s happy that Leila got hit by a dolphin. Whattabitch.

Leila recovered, however, and she totally rocked it on her “pushed by the dolphin” pose. Kristin camera talks that anyone can do a good pose while being pushed by a dolphin, but then everyone else totally whiffs it in the deep end. Johnny goes over the film and gives his feedback. He says Kristin looked like a tourist and Kiara looked like a video girl, but Nastasia and Leila did well. And Leila wins the challenge. Yay! She’s definitely my new favorite now that crazy Victoria is gone.

Kristin gets the lowest challenge score, and she is absolutely livid when she sees all the prizes that Leila won. She makes no bones of the fact that she hates Leila, and actually tells Laura she wants to throw something at Leila’s face. Later, Leila goes to the spa trip she won with Kiara, and Kristin just sits and pouts in the pool and talks even more about how much she hates Leila. What a child.

The girls get a Tyra Mail and it has that he/she P’trique in it. Sigh. “Whether you’re a chic little babbling brook, or a fierce raging river, remember that when you’re chasing the title of Top Model, it is easy to fall.” Yeah, I know these Tyra Mails are supposed to be cryptic, but that seriously makes no sense at all. If they were going with the water theme it shouldn’t been something like, “it’s easy to belly flop.” Or something like that.

Oh okay, it’s waterfalls. I guess I’m okay with that. The girls are going to posing as “warriors” in the waterfalls. Johnny Wujek announces their photographer, and Tyra Banks comes riding up on a jet ski. It’s so weird. Like, she won’t stop riding around on the jet ski and so she just keeps yelling random words as she rides in circles. Haha, it makes me chuckle every time I think about it. Then, Tyra picks out props for all the girls, and it’s so random. Like she grabs a wooden birdcage and puts it on Leila and is like, “you’re wood.”

So the girls get hair and makeup done, and the rocks are slippery as all get out, so everyone keeps slipping. Plus the falls are freaking loud, so Tyra is like screaming out directions. It’s kind of just a hot mess of a shoot. Laura especially is scared of the falls, and Tyra has a hard time shooting her.

NastasiaKelly: 8, Tyra: 9, Rob: 9, Challenge: 8, Social Media: 6.3

LauraKelly: 7, Tyra: 8, Rob: 9, Challenge: 6, Social Media: 5.909

LeilaKelly: 10, Tyra: 10, Rob: 10, Challenge: 9, Social Media: 7.428

KristinKelly: 7, Tyra: 9, Rob: 8, Challenge: 5, Social Media: 4.978

KiaraKelly: 9, Tyra: 10, Rob: 10, Challenge: 7, Social Media: 6.184

Backstage at panel, Kiara and Leila are celebrating their high scores, and Kristin says that they’re disrespecting her because she’s worried about her low scores. Kristin tells Leila she doesn’t like her, and therefore doesn’t respect her, and she would never sit and gloat about her scores. Which is kind of an oxymoron. If she doesn’t respect Leila, why would she respect her by not gloating about her scores? Kristin’s just a bratty little girl trapped in a woman’s body. I bet she was a bully in high school and still is one.

Tyra has 5 beautiful young ladies standing before her, but she only has 4 photos in her hands.

  1. Leila gets best photo – 46.4
  2. Kiara – 42.2
  3. Nastasia – 40.3

It comes down to Kristin and Laura. Laura has been on top the past few weeks, but maybe that’s making her complacent. Kristin has a pretty face, but she doesn’t model h-to-t. And Kristin FINALLY goes home with a 34. I’m so glad she’s finally gone, God, whattabitch.

4. Laura – 35.9

Next time, on America’s Next Top Model: College Edition: The girls go horseback riding and they have a photo shoot for the ANTM perfume.