LillyWe start this week off where we aborted ship last week, at the MJ/Reza office blowout. Reza is tired of MJ’s behavior and encourages her to make a nail appointment as he storms off. I would add hiring a stylist to the list. Ill fitting clothes and stripper cleavage are not what clients look for in a real estate agent.

Reza and Mike are having a business lunch where they discuss the business of MJ and GG. Reza is fed up with MJ’s pettiness after 20 years of pretending she was just playing.

Lilly is wearing high heeled sneakers and more extensions than a all the Miss USA pageant contestants combined to take her dog for a (circular) walk. She’s joined by her more natural looking sister Yassamin. Yassamin appears to not take makeup lessons from RuPaul and dresses appropriately for a walk. Lilly invites Yassamin to meet her new friends who constantly attack her.

GG is having Mike over for a talk. To prepare for their meeting, she’s pulled out all her sharpest knives and placed them all over her apartment as reminders of her subtle personality. Mike shows up with an inflatable punching bag that GG tests her knives out on. GG is already slurring as Mike talks to her about her assaulting Asa. In GG’s recollection of the Asa incident, Asa develops horns and starts breathing fire. I understand the breathing fire part because I know the effects of Persian food but the horns are just a little hard to believe, especially after seeing the flashback of GG attacking Asa. Mike starts growing his own set of horns after listening to GG’s story morphs. He lets her know that she’s alienating herself from her friends so she locks herself in the bathroom to prove he’s wrong.

MJ shows up to the office dressed a little more conservatively this time and to drive her point home she’s even brought along her dog, dressed in his finest t shirt. MJ packs up her things so she can start working from home. This would give her the convenience of a home spray tan without the trouble of pretending to work.
Reza is going out for a night of gay clubbing. He’s not ready to commit to Jiggly Butt because he still needs his stinky pits and gingy snatches. Reza inspects a few armpits before making out with the owners of said armpits.

Asa has been dating Jermaine Jackson Jr for a few years. Asa has had to deal with judgement from the Persian community for her relationship. Interracial relationships are a no-no for Persians in spite of the fact that they make adorable babies. Jermaine is clearly a Jackson, as he whispers most of his words in that “I hope Papa Joe doesn’t attack me” kind of way.

Lilly comes over to Reza’s office to gossip about MJ’s weight and pretend to be interested in buying a house. Lilly reminds us that she thinks she’s perfect.

MJ is at her apartment setting up an Ikea desk while she drinks wine. I predict she will end up with a lopsided wine-soaked stool. MJ thinks her dog can outsell Mike and Reza in real estate. This can be accomplished by putting the dog in a red blazer and purchasing ads on bus benches with the motto “Leave the doghouse to me.”

Mike’s mother/wife is having her sons/husbands over for dinner and Mike has a bomb to drop. He announces that he’s transitioning into residential real estate and he’s done this without his mother/wife’s permission. She doesn’t want him working with women for fear of leaving her for someone who didn’t give birth to him.

Asa is in the car with her mother who has a fantastic case of road rage. It’s fantastic because we hear every American curse word possible but with a strong Persian accent. Tank you on whole my life.

GG cryingMJ is getting ready to go a party her fake cousin is throwing and she’s nervous about seeing Reza, her non fake former friend. Lilly and her sister get ready and do a Persian girl version of crip walking as they’re leaving the house. MJ shows up late to the party and mistakes Reza for Satan. Then she tells Lilly that she should have worn her sister’s dress. If this is an insult, it doesn’t make sense. Lilly and her sister are clones of each other so telling one to wear the other’s dress is like telling the Olsen twins to not look homeless. Lilly strikes back and tells her she shouldn’t have worn her dress. I couldn’t agree more. The dress was so tight MJ had to wiggle away because she couldn’t walk. Asa and Reza decide that MJ is passive aggressive and Reza gets up to announce that all his favorite people in the room who are not MJ because he wants in on the fun too. MJ takes this as her cue to leave and Reza feels victorious. Former Shah/current penguin Sammy chastises Reza for camera time.

Next time on Shahs of Sunset: GG loses her temper (shocker), MJ has her birthday party on a bus with stripper poles and MJ hits on a Persian Drake (Prizzy?).

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