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Previously, on HBO’s Girls: In a writing assignment gone wrong, Hannah did coke for the first time with Elijah and found out that he hooked up with Marnie. At the same time, Marnie hooked up with artist Booth Jonathon. Hannah confronted Marnie and told Elijah to move out. Hannah hooked up with her ex-junkie neighbor Laird.

The episode opens with Elijah Krantz (Andrew Rannells) angrily packing up his stuff. Hannah Horvath (Lena Dunham) tells him she talked to George and she’s keeping everything that he paid for (which is probably most of Elijah’s stuff). Elijah resents the fact that their discussion on him moving out was a monologue not a dialogue, and Hannah says some people were just meant to stay in the past and she made a mistake trying to “repurpose” him. Elijah says he won’t be paying rent for the month because he paid for all of Hannah’s burritos Junior year, which were way more expensive than a normal girl’s burritos.

Jessa Johansson (Jemima Kirke) and her new husband Thomas-John (Chris O’Dowd) are getting ready to meet his parents for dinner. Jessa is mopey because they’re eating at a steakhouse, and she just wants to eat spinach. She tries to entice Thomas-John into sex before dinner by popping out her “good boob.”

Hannah is having a dinner party in celebration of JazzHate.com publishing her first piece. Charlie Dattolo (Christopher Abbott) and his new girlfriend Audrey (Audrey Gelman) are there. Marnie Michaels (Allison Williams) shows up and immediately goes to the bathroom. Audrey suggests that they go and Hannah explains that she and Marnie are on horrible terms right now and she just invited her to be nice; she didn’t expect her to actually show up. Charlie asks what they’re fighting about and Hannah says she can’t tell him because it would hurt him. Marnie comes out of the bathroom and says she should go, but Hannah wants everyone to stay.

Audrey tells everyone that her and her friend Shelby are starting a mustard company. Hannah is totally on board with it, but Marnie snarks on the mustard company. Shoshanna Shapiro (Zosia Mamet) and Ray Ploshansky (Alex Karpos) show up late and Shoshanna has a long explanation that it’s because she lost her earring in the cab. Ray says that they’re all adults and that they’re actually late because they had sex.

Jessa and Thomas-John show up late for dinner with the in-laws and they get seated. During dinner, Jessa’s in-laws ask about her travels, where she’s gone and why. Jessa asks, “Why does anyone travel?” The father-in-law asks what Jessa does for a living, because Thomas-John has always dated very ambitious women. Thomas-John interrupts that Jessa is exploring what road to travel down with her art. They ask where she went to college and Jessa says she went to Overland College for seven months. The mother-in-law asks why she left and Jessa says she had to go to rehab for heroin. Thomas-John changes the subject to Jessa’s hair, but the father-in-law starts asking about heroin. Thomas-John says he has never seen Jessa take heroin in the whole time he’s known her, and the mother-in-law says Jessa certainly has lived a lot. Although she hasn’t heard a word about Jessa working. She says it must be nice for Jessa to live in such a “fortunate situation.” The father-in-law makes a toast to thank the Lord that nothing ever happened to Jessa’s face or her body and Jessa says she wishes there was a Lord but she knows there’s not. Mother-in-law is shocked; Thomas-John says “And this is why we didn’t invite you to the wedding.”

Hannah says that unlike Marnie, she will try anything sexually, except she won’t try a butt plug again. She then has to explain to naïve little Shosh what a butt plug is…awkward. Audrey accuses Marnie of dwelling on Charlie because she still shows up places where he is also with his new girlfriend. Marnie says she was invited there by Hannah and Hannah said she didn’t think Marnie would show up since she so recently double crossed her. Ooh, wow, just getting straight to the point, eh?

Audrey says there was also the time that Marnie showed up at Charlie’s house asking to sleep in his bed, and that Charlie told her about it because he felt guilty, as he should have. Marnie rationalizes that Charlie DID let her in and Audrey says he just didn’t want to turn away a crying mess because he probably thought she would try to kill herself. Marnie asks what Audrey’s problem is and Audrey says she’s tired of Marnie being a Stepford psycho. Marnie says she should just leave then and Audrey says Marnie should leave. Marnie asks who Hannah wants to leave, and Hannah says Charlie should pick. Marnie tells her to grow up and leaves.

Hannah tells everyone to continue having a ball and changes the subject by asking Ray where he’s living. Ray says he’s bouncing around at the moment. Charlie gets up and leaves. Shoshanna says that Ray stays with her a lot, and then doing the math she realizes that Ray actually kind of lives with her now. Charlie finds Marnie up on the roof and apologizes for Audrey. He says she’s insecure because she knows how much Marnie means to Charlie. She’s threatened because Marnie’s is a hard spot to fill. Marnie says she’s not intimidating because she’s a hostess and she has no idea what she’s doing with her life. Charlie starts to kiss Marnie and Marnie stops him, saying she’s seeing Booth Jonathon. Charlie calls him an ewok in Capri pants and Marnie says he’s a brilliant artist and average height. Marnie tries to say that nothing will ever replace what they had together, but Charlie gets mad and leaves.

Charlie comes back downstairs and Audrey is gone. Ray says the obvious, that she’s pissed that he followed his ex-girlfriend the roof, and Shoshanna says maybe she felt used. Ray asks if Shoshanna is okay, and she says no, but they can talk about it when they go back to their apparently shared home. Shoshanna says she wish she had known they were living together so she could’ve bought some new sheets or called her aunt for advice about living with a man for the first time. I love Shoshanna so much. She just says what’s on her mind…just puts it all out there. Ray says that they don’t live together, and that technically, when he’s not at her place, he’s living in his car.

Hannah offers Charlie some bundt cake and he starts railing on Marnie, saying she drove off Audrey. Hannah calls Charlie a jerk, because he knows about what a bad year Marnie has had. Hannah just starts eating straight from the bundt cake (word) and Charlie says he thought she wasn’t talking to Marnie. Hannah says she’s NOT talking to Marnie, because she’s a jerk too.

Jessa and Thomas-John get back to their apartment in the midst of an argument. Jessa says she was simply telling the in-laws about her life, and asks if she was supposed to lie. Thomas-John says that’s not the worst thing she would’ve ever done. Jessa says she’d been living her free-spirited life for 25 years, and by the time she’s 50 she’ll be fat with experiences, but the only thing Thomas-John will have had is shacking up with her. She says he disgusts her and he says she doesn’t seem so disgusted when she’s spending his money. Ooh, no dude. Don’t go there. He says he’s the only finance guy that made a profit during the recession and that he’s “a miracle” and “a unicorn.” Lawl. He calls her a dumb hipster that’s just munching his hay. Jessa says no one liked him in high school and no one likes him now. She says she’s embarrassed when they walk down the street because he’s so average. She tells her friends he’s a test-tube baby just so he has a little edge.

Thomas-John says that she is the worst mistake she’s ever made, and that she is his worst nightmare. He’s also mad that she put Buddhas everywhere in the apartment because when they have sex it’s like they’re being watched by a bunch of fat babies (something I think Booth Jonathon would like). Jessa tells him he’s ridiculous and Thomas-John says she’s just a whore with no work ethic. Jessa punches Thomas-John. Like, really punches him hard in the face. Thomas-John asks how much money she needs to leave, and Jess says $30,000. They settle on $11,500. Thomas-John says now she has another messed up story to add to her collection and someday someone’s going to make a movie out of her life and call it “Hi, I’m Jessa, and I Destroy People’s Lives Cuz I’m F***ing Bored.” Seems like kind of a long title to me, but okay. Jessa grabs an award that’s sitting in a display case and smashes it.

Shoshanna and Ray are sitting in the subway station and he reassures her that he’s in between places. She says he’s older than her and should have his own place. She also says he should have more interests and passion in things he does, and that he doesn’t pay for anything. Ray says she should just say it: that he’s a loser. She asks why he didn’t tell her he had no house and he says he didn’t want to admit that he’s a 33-year-old homeless guy. He asks what makes him worth dating and she says she’s falling in love with him. He says it’s way too early for her to say something like that and Shoshanna apologizes. He says he loves her.

Hannah is sitting in the bathtub singing “Wonderwall” by Oasis, because you know, why not? Jessa comes in and scares Hannah. She tells Hannah not to get up and climbs in the tub with her. Jessa starts crying and then she “snot rockets” into the tub. Hannah calls her on it and Jessa says “that was gross?” Hannah tells her yeah, that’s so gross, and that even she wouldn’t do that. She’s sorry she’s sad, but that’s gross. They start splashing the snot rocket back and forth and laughing.

On the next episode of HBO’s Girls: Hannah quits her job and meets a new guy.

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