Parks and Recreation - Season 5

Ben (Adam Scott) has three helpful associates in his taste testing: Chris (Rob Lowe), who likes vegetables, Ron (Nick Offerman) who likes meat, and Tom (Aziz Ansari), who considers himself a foodie, which Ben says “apparently means he Instagrams photos of food instead of eating it.” After trying all of what has been prepped, Ben chooses the caterer based on one appetizer – the mini calzone.  He goes into an amorous explanation of why this bite-size calzone is so delicious, and it’s embarrassingly amusing.

Turns out, that once-delectable mini appetizer made Ron, Chris and Ben have terrible, gut-wrenching food poisoning.  Tom is no where to be found, but Ron nicely adds that, “I have voided more than Tom’s body weight in the last 12 hours alone.“

Tom is the lucky one however, and with his ridiculous rule, he miraculously avoids the throw-up fest. His rule: “Never eat anything I have to dip myself – drizzle it on for me, I’m not your maid!”  Classy, classic Tom.

After all are feeling rejuvenated, they end up at JJs diner with breakfasts catered to each of their tastes.  With this, Ben has his “ahah” moment and decides that JJs will cater the wedding as well.  Leslie (Amy Poehler) couldn’t be happier about this decision and the two share a loving glance, a glance that these two have perfected by now as it’s in practically every episode.

For Ann’s (Rashida Jones) big decision, she’s decided that, more than anything (including a blogger, which she now apparently does), she wants to be a mom.  Her solution: go to the bank of sperm and impregnate herself.  Leslie does not agree with this because she believes that Ann’s given up on love.

After another discussion with Leslie and a failed visit to the sperm bank which officially turned Ann off of that idea, Ann realizes that the best approach is to make a list of all of the men she already knows and create her potential-dad list from there.

Ann narrows it down to three men.

Candidate number 1 is the rude and showy doctor.  Candidate number 2, Pete the b-baller, now teaches marketing over at Pawnee community college.  But he immediately realizes that they want his sperm and exits quickly.  Candidate number 3 is The Douche (Nick Kroll).  Although his radio-persona is completely immature and irritating, he went to Northwestern and is actually intelligent.  Of course, he also created “Taintball,” so he shouldn’t get too much good guy credit.

After interviewing all candidates, Ann chooses The Douche. In a last-ditch effort to stop the possible spawn of The Douche, Leslie tells him about Ann’s plan.  Unfortunately, this backfires as The Douche not only is excited about the prospect of fathering a child, but also publicly calls out the idea on the radio.  Leslie is only able to put an end to this on-air humiliation by getting in a Jello kiddy pool and saying, “Ruby” like Bill Cosby.

Eventually, Ann accepts that a hasty decision is likely the wrong one, and she and Leslie dig into a color-coded binder (with a picture of Ann’s lady parts on it) to come up with a good solution for Ann’s future motherhood.

April (Aubrey Plaza) also steps it up in the world and has to run an entire Pawnee Commons meeting all week long.  To prepare herself, she decides to be as Leslie as possible and tries to find the best outfit out of Leslie’s closet for her coming bout of leadership.   Along the way, learns she hates Ann Taylor.

April’s first attempt to run the meeting a la Leslie is unsuccessful; the only real result is someone wanting to start a petition for a topless park and Andy finding a booger under his chair.  Andy (Chris Pratt) soon pumps up the disheartened April and doesn’t allow her to give up.  Fortunately, Andy packs the wrong bag (he gets the one filled with fruit rollups instead of the Leslie stuff) and tells her that she should just be herself when running the meeting.  Without a smile or a pantsuit, April’s normal and rude self goes back to the meeting.  She controls that meeting with a straight face and straight answers and plenty of insults.

All in all, it was a successful week for the people of Pawnee.


And here are a few fun quotes from this week’s episode:

Leslie after failing to push The Douche out of the picture: “I have driven Ann right into the belly of The Douche.”

Ron, ordering a meal: “Part of a dead animal, dealer’s choice – please and thank you.”

Leslie, when going through her maternity binder with Ann: “What is more cuterous than your uterus?”