“Clingy is a walk in the park.”

Well Frank, you have a challenger to your douchebag thrown — Cousin Patrick’s on the scene. He’s forged a will, and after emcee-ing a “tearful” memorial in which he unceremoniously dumped Aunt Ginger’s ashes on the once hardworking streetwalker’s favorite corner, it’s clear that he’s also got plans for the Gallagher house. Hoping to patch it up and flip it, he has no problems sleeping at night despite kicking the family of 6 out on the street.

Naturally the kids don’t take too well to being out-Gallaghered, and they band together to form a plan to combat their asshole relative and avoid a Chicago winter on the street. After Fiona nixes murder and or intimidation, it’s decided that super-smart Lip will brush up on his probate law (as non-lawyers are usually inclined to do) in an attempt to contest the obviously fake will in court.  Poor guy can’t really focus though because he’s got a stage one clinger in sweetly misguided Mandy.

All the girl wants to do is help, offering her man some oral relaxation, not to mention his sister Debbie, an outfit for the first day of middle school that might make JWoww blush. Sadly, all she gets in return is disdain from Fiona, the moniker of Skankovich from an unapologetic V, and zero thanks from her increasingly vexed bf. You can’t blame Lip though, because with Karen’s sudden return, he’s smack dab in the middle of some serious girl drama.

Apparently, the blonde haired traveler just wants her ex to be happy, but with a sob story about almost being sold into sexual slavery, and her Disney doe eyes set to full penetration, Karen’s got ulterior motives. She wants her boy toy back, and if that means planting the seed of suspicion in Mandy’s head about a potential affair, than so be it. When the heartbroken girl freaks out and officially drives Lip away with her neediness, guess whose bedroom the virile Gallagher ends up in?

Of course, as always with Karen, this scam is just the tip of the iceberg. She doesn’t just want Lip back; she wants her old life as well, minus that pesky baby she gave birth to. It’s soon revealed that the schemer made a phone call to the in-laws prior to her reappearance, alerting Jaime’s other grandma to the unfit-ness of the Jackson home. Naturally, the glow of last week’s Laura Ashley mother daughter moment between Sheila and Karen has long since dimmed. And to think, things were going so well for Widow Jackson. Her man’s off the bondage, her runaway daughter’s returned, and she’s even found a support group for families dealing with Down Syndrome. Dragging along a reluctant Jody and Karen, the three are surprised to hear actual young people with the disease challenging age-old stereotypes and reclaiming derogatory slurs for themselves.

Just like some African Americans use the N word, some people with special needs are happy to call themselves the R word, reappropriating it from the norm-e’s, as a tool of empowerment. Of course, the idea is inspiring, especially when delivered by impassioned advocates who themselves have Down Syndrome, but things get a bit complicated when Shelia takes on the cause, complete with street booth and t-shirts. Something about hearing a norm-e chanting metard, youtard, retard just doesn’t sit well with her neighborhood business owners, and her controversial crusade is soon shut down.

Meanwhile, back at the Gallagher home, the idea of having Lip play My Cousin Vinny is soon deemed too complicated and the siblings then decide on physical violence.  After a bit of convincing, Fiona relents to paying Mickey and his goons to threaten Patrick, but once again, Milkovich’s tough guy act is foiled by a pissed off woman with a large firearm- this time it’s Aunt Ellen. After that, Carl steps up to the plate and finally realizes his true sociopathic potential by generously peppering Cousin Asshole’s sandwich with rat poison. Don’t worry, Fiona admonishes the naughty boy, and in the end, the plan doesn’t even work because big boy Patrick’s got a stomach that’s apparently used to hard labor.

That leaves the family at the mercy of the Judicial System, and soon the deed of the house is given to their cousin, who wastes no time evicting the Gallaghers. Sure they tried to maim and kill him, but you’d think he’d have a little sympathy for his underage cousins being forced out on the street. Well, Patrick doesn’t but the cops do; especially for Debbie who suddenly recalls numerous incidents, in graphic detail no less, that describe the “special” relationship between her middle aged cousin and herself. It seems that though nothing can kill Big Pat, the fear of a potential sex crime is enough to stop him in his tracks.

Elsewhere, Jimmy’s still feeling left out, despite confidently we-ing Fiona, this rich boy has no idea how to get down and dirty, sacrificing the I for the sake of the family unit. I understand not wanting to shovel rat carcasses and live cockroaches, but c’mon, pouring coffee?!!! Go back to your North Side med-school friends until mom, dad, or Beto let you have access to your allowance again.

Kev’s still screwing V’s mom, while his wife watches and coaches. I don’t know what is more disgusting, hearing Bruno Mars during an incest scene, watching V’s mom take it deep from her son-in-law, or knowing that a really twisted affair might be a brewing. Who knows why her mom just sent an innocent late night booty call text to Kev, but what is clear is that V, you opened up this can of worms.

Also, Frank’s been evicted from Sheila’s and is now shacked up Odd Couple– style with a lonely taxidermist he met at AA. Turns out, Christopher doesn’t even drink. Instead, he’s a weirdo who apparently isn’t gay and isn’t a serial killer, but the jury’s still out. Though who is he kidding, Frank will gladly risk being made into a human duvet cover is it means free booze, food, and rent.

Yup, just another week in the  Shameless hood!

PS. Welcome back Tyler Jacob Moore, sorry about GCB, but I hope this means that you can finally be a regular cast member-preferably Fiona’s new man.