game of thrones bran

Welcome back to Westeros faithful viewers! Things are just as dire as when we last left everyone, but who’s on the business end of the axe this week remains to be seen. As if the episode’s title wasn’t ominous enough, right?

HOUSE TARGARYEN

The Dragon’s have taken the week off gang. No Kaleesi, they are arannat  (<– it’s Dothraki, seriously, look it up!).

HOUSE STARK

Bran is becoming quite the talented “seer”. He has a vision about trying to kill a raven with his bow and arrow. A mysterious boy reveals to him that he can’t, because the Raven is him. He’s on the run still with his Brother, Hodor and the Wildling girl. The mystery boy shows up for real with his knife-wielding sister. Jojen Reed and Meera Reed, as they are introduced. And they have much further to go, mentally and physically, as it would seem.

Rob Stark and his new wife receive word from Riverrun, about the recent events in Winterfell, and he informs Catelyn. The march to his Grandfather’s wake is seen by some of the generals as a distraction. And opinions vary as to whether or not they can still win the war. Cateyln reveals some hard truths about Jon Snow, and their relationship, especially her inability “to love a mother-less child”.

Theon GreyJoy is being tortured. But to what purpose?

Sansa has taken comfort in confiding in Shae. Shae’s got her six, and Sansa is lucky to have her watching her back. The Knight of the Flowers is courting her a bit, and she meets with Margery’s grandmother, who is sharp tongued, kind to her, and very interested Sansa’s “take” on how Joffery is as a person, and as a king. After some baiting, she tells them that he is indeed, a monster.

Arya is also on the road (seems like everyone is), with Lommy and Gendry. She confronts a group of nefarious men who fight for the Brotherhood Without Banners. They bring her and her companions back to their hall for a meal, not knowing who they really are. Not until The Hound shows up as a prisoner and rats them out that is. Dammit!

THE NIGHT’S WATCH

Jon Snow is all in with the Mace Ryder and his army, or so it would seem. But whatever their aims, one thing is clear. They are all going to die if they don’t get south, and away from the White Walkers. Jon meets a WOG, a Northern Magician of sorts, who can see through the eyes of animals. It seems as if magic runs through all parts of the seven kingdoms. Sam and the “crows” are having a tough march. Well, Sam is. But the Watch commander forbids him to die. At least someone understands brotherhood.

HOUSE LANNISTER

Joffery gets fitted for some royal garments, and continues to act like a royal dick. Cersei continues to act like a manipulative pseudo-queen. There is quite a bit of tension between the two Regarding Margery Tyrell. Joffery accuses Margery of being a bit of a prude, because she never had children from her other marriages. Margery alludes to the fact that her last husband wanted something other than “normal” sex, and that is why they never had children. They then proceed to have a rather sexually charged moment based around a crossbow, with the target being a stuffed boar, of course.

game of thrones joffery

Shae is waiting for Tyrion in his chambers. He is upset with her (but not really), and reminds her what is at stake if people realize they are together. Shae wants him to help protect Sansa, but he tells her they probably won’t be able to.

Lady Brienne and Jamie Lannister are still on the road. They’re not exactly Bing Crosby and Bob Hope, but they are just as entertaining. After not murdering a passerby, they cross a bridge (metaphor!) and Jamie pulls some of his old Kingslayer tricks, gaining a sword and dueling Brienne while still in chains. Jamie is as talented at swordplay as he is with cunning words, and Brienne is every bit as fierce as she appears to be. The passerby rats them out, and a group loyal to the Starks shows up to bring him and Brienne to the King of the North.

Gather your banners gang and we’ll see you next week!