Previously on MasterChef, everyone called each other names. Tonight, a team challenge. Ew.

They’re on a bus to go to school, because “that’s usually where buses go.” Thanks for the insight, Jordan.

Graham is wearing a conductor’s hat because that makes sense for a bus driver. They’re going to make lunch for 300 elementary school kids. Did Jamie Oliver approve this? Or is Ramsay moving in on that Brit’s school lunch reform territory. Jessie and Jordan are team captains because they won last week.

But Jessie has the HUGE advantage of picking first. There are still too many people for me to keep track of all the names, but eventually everyone is on a team. The red team is staying away from greens because, duh, kids hate greens. Instead they’re making corn, chicken teriyaki and strawberries for dessert.

The blue team is doing spaghetti and meatballs, green beans and an apple crisp. Of course, that means making 600 meatballs (2 a portion) and since I get bored with that task after approximately three meatballs, good luck to them. It doesn’t go well and they end up doing a meat sauce instead. Then Graham and Joe give the red team a quick lesson in how to cook chicken.

The kids are split down the middle because all Gordon Ramsay shows have to go to the commercial break in a tie. Can you feel the drama?!?!?!?!?! The kids vote by running to their favorite team. It’s mayhem, but the “official verdict” is 58% to the Red Team (Team Captain Jessie, with the teriyaki). Blue team will face the Pressure Test where “minimum one of you” will leave.

And because tonight’s episode is a math lesson, only 6 of the 9 chefs on the losing team will compete in the pressure test. Jordan gets to pick and he saves Howard, James and, duh, himself. Who wouldn’t save themselves? Krissi is all “captain goes down with the ship.” Although, as Jordan astutely points out, he is not actually the captain of a literal ship. I knew I liked Jordan.

The challenge is to make the perfect, amazing, incredible, beautiful, stunning, breath-taking cheesecake in 90 minutes. Unfortunately for Eddie, he has a bum Spring-Form pan and his cheesecake is leaking in the oven, stinking up the place. Krissi’s fell and it looks like a disgusting mess outside, but inside Joe is all hot and bothered. Johnny missed the “spirit of cheesecake.” Calm down, Bastianich. Eddie ended up with a great cheesecake, but bleeding fruit. Adriana goes home.

For the next Mystery Box, Gordon Ramsay will be cooking beside the home cooks Everyone laughs at this for some reason, but I don’t remember hearing a joke. Inside the box this week is black cod, sesame seeds, mushrooms, beets, ginger, miso paste, rice wine vinegar and soy sauce. Gordon is all, “60 minutes? I think I’ll go take a half hour walk instead.” Then he makes himself a cup of tea. We get it, you’re Gordon Ramsay. We’ve watched four seasons of this nonsense. Of course he made an inspiring, beautiful dish that makes everyone feel terrible about themselves. Mission accomplished, GR!

Major problem: someone plated raw fish. We’re all looking at you, Howard. Joe throws it straight in the trash. James’ pan seared black cod is the first called forth as a top dish, with great salt/acid balance. Beth is next with a top dish and Luca round out the top. Luca’s sauce apparently rivals the best Japanese restaurants in the world. He’s obviously the winner and that means a huge, giant, crazy advantage.

It’s a dessert elimination challenge. Luca decides everyone has to make “twelve perfect cupcakes” (Gordon’s words, as if that wasn’t clear) while he relaxes in the gallery. But first, he gets to steal someone’s mixer, leaving them to mix batter by hand. He punishes Jordan for not going down with that figurative ship everyone is so loyal to.

Jessie messed up the flour ratio on half her batch and wound up with mini cupcakes. Joe hates Malcolm’s for no apparent reason and how did I not notice Bime’s hat until just now? Then Beth breaks out a blowtorch right before time’s up.

Howard is first to present to the judges and Joe is still reeling from the raw fish, but is all about these cupcakes. Good for you, Howard. Malcolm is next with rum banana crème filled cupcakes. Unfortunately, Graham seems to think they were made out of Saltines and could easily be used as a doorstop. Delicious.

Bime shows off his artistic side with some fancy garnishes and a flavorful frosting. Kathy went with neon frosting but it couldn’t hide a terrible cupcake underneath. For some reason, Jessie redid the good cupcakes and went all mini. Joe is quietly livid. Gordon can’t even find a bite he wants. The graphics department subtly reminds us that Jessie is a “Yacht Stewardess.”

Jordan “No Mixer” is up next and Luca is invited to taste them since he was responsible for the lack of appliances. Joke’s on Luca! They’re delicious. Jordan is my boy.

But fun time’s over, two people must become team captains and at least one home cook must go home. Team Captain 1 is Bime; Team Captain 2 is Bethy. Who is different from Beth. I guess. I have no recollection of Bethy. Sorry, Bethy.

The worst, most terrible people are Malcom, Kathy and Jessie. Sidenote: Graham spent half this episode holding his glasses, staring straight ahead pensively. It’s been very distracting.

Kathy is safe and so is Jessie. Bye bye, Malcolm! It just wasn’t time for Jessie to get back to that yacht.