Episode 402

Gallagher Blood Runs Deep

Shameless aired its second episode tonight and it looks like everyone is settling into their respective season 4 grooves… for better or worse.

Certainly worse for Frank (William H. Macy) who despite every attempt to get that precious Jesus Juice into any orifice in his body that’ll accept it – besides his ailing mouth, has had to face the cold hard fact that his liver’s finally thrown in the towel. Yes folks after years of performing like a Tour De Francer on steroids that baby’s tired. Unfortunately, the Gallagher patriarch has had to bear the burden left by this on-strike organ: everything from bloated extremities, or as Carl (Ethan Cutkosky) calls ‘em, kankles, to bloodshot eyes, and a general pallor reminiscent of the Walking Dead.

But alas, even zombies have more mobility than Carl’s decrepit daddy, so it’s a good thing that the ever-loyal pubescent teen is willing to carve out a little time from his busy schedule of multiple daily self-stimulations and macking it to Deb’s (Emma Kenney) definitely DTF new friends, to help Frank fight the good fight. And in this case, that means saying no to booze but yes to any drug that’ll combat his horrifyingly sober state.

Sure pills and smack’ll still greet his damaged liver eventually, but at least they won’t aggravate those nasty varices (except for sizzurp, Carl, which while certainly an urban delicacy, still has to go down the old pie hole). No matter though, because nothing will prevent the young Gallagher’s crusade to first get dad his drugs, and then procure him a new liver (preferably in that order for obvious reasons)… not a pregnant and dangerously spotting Veronica (Shanola Hampton), nor the patient but incredibly unhelpful nurse at the Organ transplant center of the hospital that he’s forced to rush V to.

And soon that persistence pays off, because in a stroke of luck, V’s emergency leaves open her bountiful meds closet (it pays to be a ghetto nurse) and Carl’s able to swipe a few Percocets for Frank. Yet even more fortuitously, his rendezvous with the transplant center does key him into the valuable information that any of Frank’s children over 18 with his same AB+ bloodtype can donate a portion of their own liver to help out the guy.

Episode 402

Lip (Jeremy Allen White) would be a perfect candidate, but he’s got enough problems of his own at the moment, navigating his freshman year at a competitive, private (aka. rich white kids from the burbs), college in town. Despite his obvious willingness to connect, the poor guy just seems to vibrate on a different wavelength than every single one his über-privileged millennial classmates.

Perhaps he does have a slight chip on his shoulder, and a sense of entitlement derived from being that precociously smart kid whose natural-born gifts allowed him to coast though high school at an effort level of 20%, but c’mon the guy at least knows how to have fun… His blunt smoking, poker for perishables-playing co-workers at the university cafeteria get him; so does the large and in charge coed who slapped him around and used him for his man meat after meeting the Gallagher scion at a sorority party. But if only smart and sassy Tutor Shelly would see his potential and ditch the graduate cock for some south side sausage. Maybe if he turns down the hood-rat swagger a notch, he can impress these damn uppity, self-respecting chicks.

Mike Pratt (Jake McDorman) would have no problem scoring himself one of these privileged prudes. They’d probably love his why didn’t you call me, sad puppy-dog, smothering technique, and become fortified with the thought that he has nothing but the utmost respect for them. Too bad he’s dating Fiona Gallagher (Emmy Rossum) a bad ass broad from the wring side of the tracks who’s used to giving exactly what she got from lowlifes like lying Jimmy (Justin Chatwin). That means that ironically, it’s Fee this time who’s doing the fibbing, first about when she’d call her boss/boyfriend back, and then about trashing the company car during a road rage incident.

Ok, so it wasn’t totally Fiona’s fault; after all she was just going about her business, enjoying her per diem meal of fast food fries when the nut who had been tailgating her relentlessly got out of his car and bashed in her windshield with a baseball bat. All Ms. Gallagher did was point out that he may have a small penis, but c’mon, his shitty driving deserved a heckle… what was she supposed to do?

Well, according to Boy Scout Pratt, tell her man about it as soon as it happened so that he didn’t have to catch a video of it uploaded to Youtube. Yes, it was a bit reckless, and most certainly dishonest, but c’mon Mike, didn’t Gabrielle Anwar teach you anything when she faced all of her fears by jumping from a suspended platform on a horse into an above ground pool??? Wild Hearts Can’t Be Broken! 

Episode 402

Fiona’s a Gallagher, bending the truth is in her blood, it’s what makes her such a good cup saleswoman – that along with her legs and boobs. And speaking of blood, Fee’s is in fact AB+ (don’t ask how Carl got his sample unless you want to dry heave for a few minutes) but despite her younger brother’s pleas, she ain’t messing up her liver so Frank can destroy another one. Thus sadly, it looks like one South Side life might be coming to an end…

But with that, four more are about to enter the world, thanks to Kev (Steve Howey) and his magic penis. Turns out that spotty bleeding V was experiencing – just your everyday case of incubating triplets. This means that combined with the mommy-baby that Carol (Vanessa Bell Calloway) is carrying, Mr. and Mrs. Kev now have enough kids to star in a TLC docu-series. Especially considering the fact that just like Fee, V’s mom isn’t wiling to make any sacrifices for her daughter that involve being cut open. Sure they don’t have the money for a litter this size, but Kev’s foster pop – the not exactly PFLAG ready, Stan, just left him the ailing Alibi, that should surely make things a little better… Right???

Oh, to abort your grandson or not to abort him? To donate a piece of your liver so that dad can get rid of his radioactively diseased one? – Just your average questions confronting the lives of the Shameless gang.

And of course, one more… To sleep with your 20-year old boyfriend like your whorish friends suggest or to save your V-card for the wealthiest online bidder?

That is the quandary sweet 13-year-old Debbie find herself in. Who knows what decision she will choose, but one thing is certain, whatever teen mom and skanky Holly say, do the exact opposite. Unless teen mom is picking out cute baby clothes for you, because that little pink lamb onesie was totes adorbs.

And finally, the show ended on a juicily melodramatic note worthy of a William Levy-starring telenovela. Yes Shameless fans, cue the music, Frank’s got a daughter older than  Fiona, named Samantha… and he might be able to hit her up for an organ…

We’ll see…. Will Frank get a new liver so he can drink again? Will Lip boink his tutor? Will Ian (Cameron Monaghan) ever return? Will Liam’s ball finally drop?

Find out next week on Shameless!