America's Got Talent Season 9 Judges' Graphic
America’s Got Talent’s auditions round has never wrapped so quickly.  Unfortunately, the sadistic producers decided against building on any good will in favor of a clip episode.  That’s right, seven episodes into the season nine, a reality game show that spent years, “insisting upon itself,” decided to bring its sudden progress to a screeching halt in the most unnecessary way possible.  Who doesn’t want to spend their night watching Howard Stern, Heidi Klum, Mel B., and Howie Mandel prattle on about the same acts everyone’s seen the past six weeks.  Mind you, these are the exact same clips of the original auditions.  They didn’t even have the decency to show the segment from a different camera angle or with those annoying pop ups filling viewers with mind-numbingly unnecessary factoids.  C’mon NBC, everyone’s ready to look the other way as you take up your throne as the number one network.  The least you could do is give the viewers a little effort.  (If you haven’t noticed by now, nights like this are the kind that breeds sour recappers.  But don’t worry folks, I’m 97% sure alcohol was created for just such an occasion.)

Ah, the obligatory Nick Cannon as best host segment tends to creep up on you a lot faster after that injection of liquid inspiration.  True, it’s the first time of the night new clips are aired.  However, since they’re all in the same Nick is awesome vein, it got a little grating.  It’s not that I don’t love Nick as a host, though my constant criticism of his outlandish wardrobe may be confusing.  Nick is a consummate professional—I’d just wax poetic about his other summer show.  Sometimes it’s hard to grasp that while Nick wears his Day-Glo suits and Technicolor dream coat ensembles that he’s jumping back into another season of his comedy cult classic Wildin’ Out on MTV2.

Be clear, Nick wears some pretty wacky thinks on WO as well.  I’m talking about clear goggles, piles of old school dookie chains, and the most ridiculous and overdone of silver jackets.  Apparently style will always be a double edged sword for the host with the most excuses to wear something that glitters.  If you’ve never heard of it, celebrities come on to compete in games to win a comedy belt.  If you’re looking for family friendly comedy look elsewhere—expletive may be bleeped out but they still fly freely.  And the curse words aren’t the worst things you can hear.  If irreverent and biting humor doesn’t offend you, give it a chance.  I’ve never made it through the cripplingly lacking HD half hour without guffawing.

Since this was a two hour time suck, some of it must be dedicated to the actual episode.  Considering when the entire night was an instant replay of the season so far.  Luckily some genius decided taking a preview of Judgment Week to the last five minutes of this 120 minute brain fart.  Someone start a slow clap for the editor that thought, “Oh yeah, this totally makes the episode worth it America.”  You are a hopeful dreamer; never change.  Just maybe you shouldn’t be in charge of programming decision anymore mmkay?  New this season, judges will pop up to surprise acts getting bumped straight to Radio City Music Hall.  Apparently judgment week will not be in Las Vegas for the first time in a while; perhaps staying in New York City was better for the judges’ competitive schedules.  Other than that, it’s all over but the waiting.