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OMG you guys, it’s Cycle 21 of America’s Next Top Model! #ANTM21 And as the title says, (in weird text speak no less) “The Boyz R Back.” That’s right, it’s another guys and girls cycle. But more importantly, Miz J iz back! Seriously, Miss J. It’s like, you never know how much you miss someone until they leave and are replaced with some rando social media dude.

Cycle 21 opens with Tyra Banks having a weird dream involving a child version of herself critiquing the guys and girls from last cycle. A miniature child version of Miss J shows up and reclaims her throne on the judging panel – hurray, Miss J! Also, the whole dream sequence is done in rhyme, because of course Tyra would do that.

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Tyra wakes up from her dream and announces what we already know: the guys are back. The “toochers” and “boochers” are back!

They bring the top 31 contenders to Los Angeles, but only 14 finalists are going to be chosen. The guys show up at a club that says “EDM party” on the marquee. Because EDM is so hot right now, so hot… In the meantime, the girls show up at their own “EDM party.” It turns out they’re at the same “party” but they’re just separated by a curtain.

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The models are all welcomed by Cory Wade Hindorff, the beautiful, androgynous, male model from Cycle 20. Sorry, Cycle 2.0. My bad. He announces that the contenders are going to be walking in an “Electronic Dance Music” themed fashion show. Because all of the viewers of this show are under 16 years old, and none of them could possibly know what EDM stands for.

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On the runway, each model is going to be rocking their own hashtag, and then they’re going to be taking a selfie of themselves. This episode was so ahead of its time two years ago. The selfie is the photo that they’re going to be judged off of, so Cory says it better be good, ya’ll.

The wannabe models go to hair and makeup. They get glow-in-the-dark paint splashed all over them, and they write their hashtags on their chests. All the guys are wearing booty shorts and all the girls are wearing mini tutus. Because, why not?

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The guys and girls finally get to see each other and about five different people say their “single and ready to mingle.” Cory tells them to get their game faces on and they head to the runway. Cory walks out on the runway and announces Tyra. Tyra descends from the ceiling on a swing. She’s wearing a fishnet body suit and a trucker hat that says EDM. I swear, I could not make this up. I love how Tyra just keeps out-kitsching herself.

Then Tyra announces the big surprise: #MissJISBack! Miss J. Alexander walks out on the runway and everyone freaks out.

And then the show starts. I’m not going to go through all of the models’ hashtags, but they’re all pretty unoriginal. Seriously.

  • #freakofnature
  • #freespirit
  • #theone
  • #goofy
  • #unique
  • #blessed
  • #shesHOT
  • #fierce
  • #gentleman
  • #saucy
  • #sarcastic
  • #fun

Apparently, no one told them the purpose of their hashtag. To distinguish themselves on Twitter. You know, that social network where everyone uses #FUN? The best one, IMO, is #werq.

The semi-finalists meet up with Tyra, Miss J, and Kelly Cutrone, who are going to whittle the 31 down to 22. I’m so glad Kelly Cutrone is back. She’s the best! They do a quick intro of all the contestants which I’m not going to go through – Ain’t nobody got time for that! If you didn’t watch it, which you probably didn’t if you’re reading this, I’ll talk about the finalists next time. Ok? Alright!

All of the selfies are pretty awful. Which is kind of ridiculous for a bunch of 20-something model wannabes to not know how to take a good selfie. What’s up with that?

After the meet-and-greets. The moddabes (that’s model wannabes) meet up with Miss Kelly and Miss J at a bowling alley. Kelly Cutrone announces that they will be bowling to see if they made the cut. Once they bowl their ANTM bowling ball they will either see a happy logo or a sad bear picture on the score screen. This is the first of two cuts.

And the semi-finalists are:

Kari, Keith, Zaquan, Lindsay, Matthew, Ben, Shei, Will, Denzel, Chantelle, Mirjana, Mark, Raelia, Jamie Rae, Adam, Lenox, Romeo, and Danny

Next time, on America’s Next Top Model: Cycle 21: The moddabes have a photo shoot on the subway. Tyra wears hipster glasses.