ballers

Last week on Ballers, we met Spencer, a retired football star-turned-financial manager who was having a tough time signing clients. Until Spencer arranged for his pal Ricky, who was dumped by his team for bad behavior, to get signed by the Miami Dolphins. Now Ricky and another new client Vernon have money that needs to be managed. How else do you buy an elephant?

This week on Ballers, it’s blow job jokes, football workout montages, fancy cars and oddly enough, no one exposed their nipples!

To kick things off on a positive note, Joe (Rob Corddry, just being wonderful as always) informs Spencer that their boss, the “Anderson” whose name is atop all their letterhead, didn’t want to hire him because he thought Spencer is just a dumb jock in a suit. It’s almost like Anderson didn’t even see the elegant and custom-tailored suits Spencer is wearing. It should be a no-brainer to hire anyone in clothes as snazzy as his. Spencer assures Joe that he’ll be pulling his weight in no time, just as soon as he gets Vernon to sign an actual document naming Spencer as his financial manager.

On his way to chat with Vernon, Spencer keeps his mood up and spirits high with Karen, his BFF at Citibank. She calls with news that indeed his account is overdrawn, but why not transfer some funds from a second account he didn’t even know he had? Something smells fishy here, but Spencer gives the okay. Also, if you were wondering what Spencer’s favorite snack to eat in the car is, it is pain pills.

When Spencer gets to the practice field to talk to Vernon, he’s intercepted by Vernon’s IRL bro, Reggie, and their mother, who say, “No Vernon is busy, sorry, Spence. Let’s have fancy brunch at the Biltmore tomorrow instead, because we have lots of money!” Money Spencer loaned to them last week, by the way, hence the issues with his bank account.

Meanwhile, Vernon’s agent Jason is trying to sweet talk the Dallas Cowboys into blessing Vernon with a new contract, a whole year early, along with some sweet cash money. It doesn’t go well.

At the Biltmore, not only does Vernon bring his mother and Reggie, but the rest of his mooching crew as well. Much to Joe and Spencer’s chagrin, there will be no talk of business. That is until Jason calls with the bad news. Spencer takes Vernon aside and jumps on the “teaching moment” opportunity, regaling Vernon with tales of his own crew’s big-spending lifestyle back in the day. Spencer tells him to reign in his friends and family and their spending habits, and also why not sign these papers making me your official financial manager? Vernon does so, then gets into the budget-savvy new MacLaren he can totally afford.

But what about Ricky? Well, he’s adjusting to life with the Dolphins, giving over-the-top grateful local news interviews and accepting gifts of sick bling from his girlfriend (in exchange for a promise of “no more banging strangers in public bathrooms”), which she bought with his black card. His biggest problem this week? Some other Dolphins receiver is “wearin’ his digits,” the number 18. Ricky is forced to wear number 41, which is just the worst. He heads home for some introspective thought because sometimes you just have to gaze at your trophies to center yourself. We also see that his dad wore number 81, so at least there is some meaning behind his attachment to 18. Ricky has feelings, folks.

Meanwhile, Charles spends his days at the dealership fending off looky-loo teens who want a test drive, and discussing re-joining the Dolphins’ offensive line with Larry (Dulé Hill). Charles doesn’t have regrets, though; he likes the simpler life! You know, things like watching women’s tennis and pretending to be studying sales techniques, and worrying about his weight. Though his wife, Julie, assures him she thinks he’s very handsome, the coffee table crumbles under their weight during some amorous behavior, so maybe some kale is in his future.

Next week, a fancy event to get some more clients, things get messy and hopefully the show will finally not be boring? Anything is possible!